Wordless Wednesday? Nope. Photo Phriday? Um no. Sleepy Saturday?

Ok, you got me. It's not Wednesday at all. Not even close in fact. It's not even Friday anymore! But I'm beat. Tired with a capital T, pooped with a capital B. Wait, what? Exactly. My brain is shot. Shot! Kaleb is at Namma and Papa's this weekend (my parents) and I had every intention of facebooking, catching up on blogs, checking emails, photoshopping doing homework tonight. I looked at the criteria for a paper I have to write. I get credit for that, right? I was contemplating adding a new post, but I'm just so dang tired I thought I'd just throw some cute pictures of Kaleb up and call it a night. But I haven't posted anything in a while (which kind of defeats the purpose of having a blog in the first place) so I'm going to do a little of both...

I started this blog with every intention of documenting all the cute things Kaleb does that I want to remember and share. Because seriously? This kid is funny! He makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis. Now if only I was better at keeping up with him in blogland.

I can tell this might be a rambly post, so please bear with me readers  um... Me.

Ok. Here we go. Funny things that Kaleb does on a fairly regular basis that still crack me up every time:

Laying down on the floor to look under things (gate, refrigerator, couch, etc.) even though he is mere inches off the floor to begin with:

Shoving things under the gate at the top of the basement stairs. I'm assuming just to see what happens??

Removing the dog dishes from their holder and climbing into the holder. 

 

"Helping" mama in the kitchen...

Putting whatever will fit (and some things that won't) into the seat of his firetruck. I fully expect to find a cat stuffed in there one day....

This one speaks for itself:

Ummmmmm. Well, gotta have something for the graduation posterboard right?

Standing on top of his fire truck in order to see out the window. Hey, I can sympathize, I'm a little short on one end too.

And a couple just because I think they're cute. This is my blog after all. Right?

And finally, to showcase where Kaleb got his talent for interesting ideas, this is what Martin thought would be funny. And I guess it is, as long as you're not the cat...

And that concludes this episode of Naptime Nuggets, also known as the munchkin is out of town, mommy has a free weekend and stayed up waaaaaaay too late updating a blog that no one reads actually has a follower?!? Welcome Sandy :)  If I haven't scared you away yet, just wait until tomorrow when I complain write about how much homework I have to do. And not at all because I spent time blogging instead of doing said homework. Nooooooo not me...

My Little Blessing

From the time I was a child I've always had a bit of a temper. On the outside I tend to look calm and collected, even when under the surface a storm is brewing. I've always said that it takes a lot to get me really peeved, but once I'm to that point, look out.

I grew up in a house where yelling and screaming were the most common forms of communication. It didn't take much for my mom to get mad and when she did the whole house (and sometimes the neighborhood) knew it. Whenever I would get really mad (at my mom, icky roommates, the dogs, etc.) I'd default to yelling. Even with Martin (while I had never had a yelling match with anyone I dated before him) I seem to find myself yelling (sometimes screaming) before I really even know I'm saying anything.

Knowing that I have this tendency (it's definitely something I've been working on, and asking for God's help with), and coming from a background of abuse as a child, I've always worried that I would subject my children to the same fate as myself. It dawned on me the other day though, that so far in his short 13 months, I've never been mad enough at the munchkin to raise my voice at him (a stern voice at times yes, but never more than is necessary for the situation). That's not to say he's a perfect angel (HA!!) or that he never does anything that gets to me (like biting me when he's mad/bored or having to be told for the 37th time in as many minutes not to play in the dog's water dish), but for some reason it is so easy for me to keep my calm with him.

It's hard to explain, but when I became a parent my whole life changed. Not just the parts where I had only myself to think about before, and now I have the munchkin to worry about, but every single cell in my body seems different than it was just shy of two years ago. I never thought that things as simple as an eight toothed grin, random babblings in the morning, a toddler putting his head down on my shoulder and patting my back as I pat his, and a round little face lighting up with pure joy when I come home would be things that would bring tears to my eyes and make me pause and thank God for the best blessing I've ever received.

Maybe that's why it's so easy for me to be calm in teaching Kaleb what is right versus wrong. My little blessing deserves better than his mommy losing her temper over little things that won't matter in the long run and where a calm but stern hand will better teach the lessons of the day. I'm not trying to imply it's always easy for me to not get upset, and there are definitely days where I've lacked patience and have needed a break for some mommy time. Those times used to make me feel like I was failing my son, but now I believe they allow me the perspective to see how I might better handle certain situations.....Like being bitten for the 18th time today, having to dry the floor after the dogs' dish was spilled again, and watching the dogs eat more of my son's meal than he does (as he feeds them his own dinner).

tick, tick, tick

I've been very good lately at talking myself out of believing that this summer is very quickly coming to an end. I've been feeling very anxious about starting school again, and apparently the best way for my brain to keep sane is to block out that I have only 12 days of munchkin-filled free time. Today I finally broke down and consolidated all the schedules they've been emailing us all summer (lectures/tests/clinical rotations/topic dates). This seems to have taken me one more step out of laid back summer mode and into frazzled, bordering on panic mode that is nursing school.

Last year at this time was a very different and difficult time in my life. My life seemed to be falling apart: I had a newborn, was barely getting any sleep, was depressed, had just found out the truth about some of Martin's affairs (oh if I only knew...), and felt like I was standing on the edge of an impassable abyss. School seemed like a good distraction from everything else that was going on, even though I was nervous about it. Looking back, I don't know how I got through the first semester. In all honesty, I almost didn't. I came very close to having to go before "the committee" to fight for my spot in the program. Thankfully I got it together for 2nd semester and worked to my full potential.

In worrying about this upcoming (3rd) semester, I can't help but reflect on the past year. One thing that I've come to realize is that I've been leaning far too heavily on myself and trying to do too much under my own power. I'm scared for school to start because I just don't know if I can handle it all again. But then I think back and realize that it hasn't been through my own power that I've gotten this far. God has been with me every step of the way, and if I re-learn to lean on Him and His wisdom things will go much more smoothly. So it is in every aspect of life. I don't like the path my life has taken, and unfortunately I've been trying to fix things that are beyond my understanding too much to really move in the direction God has been trying to lead me.

I don't really have a smooth way to end this post, these were the most coherent thoughts that I could pull out of my brain the whole day. Hopefully this fog will lift in the next 12 days...

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

All right, let's see how this goes. This is my first shot at 'not me' Monday. Even though it might not get posted til late, or even until Tuesday, since the internet has been worse than sketchy around these parts today. I was all set to spend a little me time today catching up on some stuff online: email, facebook, bloggy stuff, Postsecret, practice medication administration problems for the test in the first week of the semester (hey I can be practical). So I handled it really well today when I sat down after the munchkin went down for his nap, all comfy on the couch, fired up my laptop and found….nothing. It was great. I did not get upset, and I certainly didn't swear like a sailor curse my bad luck (loudly) and try for the next hour to get the internet up and running.

After giving up on getting any kind of decent internet connection, I did not start editing some pictures and waste another hour or so doing not much of anything when I could have (should have) been using that time to get stuff done around the house. Like clean up breakfast, for instance, which was most certainly not chili cheese fries left over from last night. I would never eat that kind of junk, especially not for breakfast.

When Sir Crabby Pants the munchkin woke up from his nap he was riper than ripe, and dead set against having his diaper changed. I'm sure glad I didn't have to hold him down by pinning his arms with my legs. I never have to do that. He always just lies there calmly while I change his diaper. In fact, some days I wonder if I'm the only one with a child so well behaved…

I made a lovely dinner tonight: boneless country style pork chops, skin-on garlic mashed potatoes, broccoli with cheese sauce, and homemade beer bread. I did not even add sour cream to the gravy like the recipe called for and not tell Martin since I know he doesn't like sour cream (or so he says…)

That about sums up my day. My plan for the night is to clean up the house and get some laundry done. I'm definitely not going to waste any time online when I could be doing something productive. Ha!

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your blessings in stone.

Photoshopping Spree

Well, as an update, my biscuits turned out pretty well. They didn't raise as much as I'd hoped (could be old flour or baking powder), but they weren't hockey pucks either. They were moist (as moist as biscuits should be anyway) and yummy, and I'll definitely try them again. On tomorrow's menu is an easy beer bread (provided Martin didn't drink it all) with an italian twist, along with spaghetti and (homemade) meatballs.

On another note, I've wanted forever to add Photoshop Elements 6 to my laptop (it's on the computer downstairs, I just haven't been using that one much), and organize/consolidate/delete pictures from the past year. I think I have more pictures from the last year than from the past 5 years combined. I have the munchkin to thank for that :)

So I was reading MckMama's blog, who always has amazing pictures and happened to find a link to some photography lessons she also posted (I really don't know how she finds time for it all) and was inspired to quit procrastinating (now that I only have a couple weeks until school starts again and I lose my free time) and get started on that. Some of my efforts have been ok, some not so much... I'm adding one of the pictures I like onto this post just to show off my munchkin. I could just nibble him to pieces.

This one is an old picture, he was probably about 6 months old here:

I don't really have much else to write on this stormy night. I guess I've been doing a lot of reflecting over the past couple weeks about my life, my faith, and the road I'm on, but I'm not sure I can put any of it into coherent thoughts that would be of value to anyone else at this point.

I will add this though, to end on a positive note. Kaleb (my little munchkin) has been working on his walking lately. The day before his first birthday he stood up without any assistance or anything to hold onto, then later that night took his first steps. He kind of backed off for a couple weeks and went back to mostly crawling/bear walking. The past day or two, however, he's started standing up in the middle of the room, making sure I'm watching, then taking 5 or 6 or 20(!) steps, then sitting down, looking at me all proud and grinning like "look what I did mama".

I love him more every day :)

This one I didn't really do much with, except for cropping it and erasing some unknown goo...

Channeling Martha Stewart

Ok, so I know I'll never be as organized, creative, or anal as Martha is, but I've been trying to find ways to make life a little easier lately. One way is to try to cut down on prep time for meals so we're not tempted to throw in the towel and just get take out when the hungries strike.

We ventured out the the farmer's market on Saturday, and got there too late to avoid the crowds and get good tomatoes :( But we did find some good veggies to throw together into a concoction we call Sunday Soup. It was traditionally made on Sundays in Martin's family, and we throw some together every now and again. It's really very simple--a big pot of water, beef (cheap cuts work well and end up nice and tender), seasonings (boullian if we have it, bay leaves, garlic/onion powders, salt, pepper, and so on), veggies (we use potatoes, carrots, frozen green beans and frozen corn). Throw everything but the frozen veggies in a pot and let it simmer for a couple hours, throw in the frozen veggies and some cabbage (half to one head) til warmed and you're set. After I put most of the leftovers in the fridge I took the remaining broth and froze it to use later (soup starter, instead of water in rice, etc). No room for waste these days :)

After I got the soup taken care of, I went to work on getting some meals put together for the next couple weeks. We bought some hamburger on sale this past weekend--two 2lb. packages. I separated one package into two separate pounds. I combined one of the pounds with a package of hot italian sausage (also a good sale find) and some italian seasoning to make meatballs for spaghetti. The remaining three pounds I seasoned with some ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, and McCormack's grillmates we had on hand, formed into 1/4 pound patties and froze them too.

Plans for today are some quick and easy peanut butter cookies, and my first attempt at homemade biscuits. Should be interesting...or disastrous. Wish me luck...

On a less Martha-y note, I'm still scared out of my brain worrying about what's going to happen with Martin being out of work. It's a little ironic because over the last several months when one thing after the other was going wrong with Martin's job situation, I encouraged him to remember that God has plans bigger than those we have for ourselves and we can't always see the logic of those plans until we're looking back at a situation. But somehow now I find it so difficult to really let go of my fear and turn this situation over and trust that things will be ok. I'm working on it, but I have a feeling it's going to be an hour by hour struggle at this point.