Gibberish

So a little while ago I thought to myself "self, why the *&^&^$^%$( are you still up at 5:10 in the morning?" Still. STILL. I'm exhausted. I've spent the last several hours doing very little that could be considered productive. I'm tired as all get out. Yet I'm still up. Why? I have no freaking idea. I got sucked into the interwebs and while I did get a decent amount of schoolwork done, the plan was to be in bed around 11-ish. So much for that.

I don't have much to write...well, that's not really accurate. I have a lot to write, but my brain is almost exclusively speaking in gibberish right now. Anything I say could be hazardous to my health. I will say that the past week has been kinda crappy. I don't know what the heck is going on, but I'm hoping that this, too, shall pass, and things will start swinging back the other way. Until then, I've been doing lots of praying, and being thankful that at the end of a really crappy (CRAPPY!!) day I have this to come home to:

Almost makes it worth all the crap if you ask me. Or at least makes it bearable....

Gosh I love that boy!!

A Thousand Words

There is so much that I could write about, and so much I want to say, but I'm not finding the words for some of it, and the rest isn't appropriate to be shared in this forum.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching lately. I hadn't realized how quickly the last 5 or so years have flown by, and how little certain situations have changed. I've always heard the saying "something's gotta give," and I'm to that point now. Unfortunately, until I finish school I'm not in a position to make the kinds of changes I need to make to get on with my life. I'm frustrated and overflowing with emotions and words and finding it hard to find the right words to adequately describe my feelings. Grrrrrr. So now I'm typing myself in circles and overly tired and underly appreciated. Yes, I fully understand that underly is not a word, and to be honest, tonight I just don't give a

So instead, I'm going to share some of the good, some of what makes my bed worth getting out of on a daily basis. These pictures are older, but are still certainly worth more than a thousand words....

And because the munchkin is not the only one to bring a smile to my face.....I present to you Mookie, the wonder Russell

And now, with high hopes that tomorrow (or I guess later today...) will be a better day, I'm off to bed.

I Feel Like I'm Turning Green....

I. Am. So. TIRED! It's barely nine and I've been ready for bed since the munchkin went down. To be honest, I probably could've gone to bed as soon as I got home from the hospital today, but that would never happen in my reality.

Clinicals this week were actually fun. We had two patients instead of one, plus a team leader for two of three of us. It was the first time I've actually had a good time at clinicals. Prep work for two patients sucks, but it's nice to not have so much down time. For some reason it's easier for me to prioritize and keep a good flow going with more things going on. Even my instructor noticed, and said she'll probably give me three patients in the next couple weeks. That's half exciting, half scary for me. Prep work takes hours with just one patient, I don't even want to think about three...so I won't. I'm already stressed out, no need to make it worse now. I have to finish my professional organization paper tonight, finish my clinical paperwork to turn in after lecture tomorrow (9-11), finish my HAT (Holisitic Assessment Tool) paper.....you know, as I'm typing this I'm having deja vu and thinking I already ranted about how much I have to finish in the next few days. Ok, enough of that. Blah.

As to the title of this post, I feel like I might have been bit by the green eyed monster. It's been a tough return to school after spending three months at home with Kaleb basically 24/7. My parents took him for a weekend right before school started again, but otherwise it's been him and I together all summer. Now that I'm back to school and Martin's out of work, Martin stays home with Kaleb during the day. It's been tougher on me than I thought it would. Not just that I can't spend as much time with him, but because he's starting to go to Martin for so many more things. Tonight for example, I got him ready for bed and had him grab his blanky. Usually he'll grab it and come over to me so we can go downstairs. Tonight (and the past couple nights) he took his blanky over to Martin and tried to climb up on his lap. Kaleb didn't want anything to do with me. Kind of made me want to cry a little. I know it sounds horrible to say I'm upset that my son loves his father and is bonding more with him, but I can't help having a little pity party for myself right now. I'm trying to remember that I should just be thankful that they're bonding more. When Kaleb was first born Martin was a little stand offish with him. Now though, they're buddies and I'm thankful, and I need to let that be more important than my jealousy. Guess that's one more thing to add to my to-do list....

Off to do more homework  : p

Throw Another Hamster on the Wheel

Well, I finished my first test, and did better than I thought I would. I did change two correct answers to the wrong ones (grrr) but I'll still take the A :)

I thought I would feel less stressed with this test out of the way, but no such luck. For this week I still have two small papers to write for nursing, one medium size paper to write for Ethics, my HAT (Holistic Assessment Tool) to re-write (legibly) and turn in, clinicals to prep for (two patients this week--that's a first...and assuming neither goes home in the next three days or oh boy will I be peeved)(well, I'd be happy for them, peeved for more prep), plus, PLUS, some stupid part of my brain thought it might be a good idea to sign up for an honors project so I can graduate with honors this spring. That might have to go to save my sanity...

I met with a classmate at the Y to study yesterday afternoon. Our kiddos went to childcare so we could have some peace. Afterwards I went with my classmate to her church for Alpha. I had started this course quite a few years ago, had never finished, and had been feeling like I wanted to give it a go again. So it was perfect timing for my classmate's invite. Kaleb did well in both child care settings (once I was out of sight) and had fun from what I could see during my peek-ins.

When I have Kaleb out and about with me I usually end up carrying him, or he's in a stroller/cart/whatever. He's still pretty new to the whole walking thing so it's usually safer and faster to just carry him. Yesterday, though, I let him walk most of the places we went. I never realized this, but at every doorway he stops, holds onto the doorjamb and puts one foot over the threshold veeeeerrrrry carefully. Then he puts his second foot over, regains his balance for a sec and takes off again. It's so cute. He doesn't do it at home, except for the doorway going out into the garage--it's a step down. I'm sure he's not certain yet if they're all like this, or what, and it's better to be safe than sorry. Whatever the reason, it's so freaking adorable I just want to pick him up and squeeze him :)

I realize it's Monday today, and I was tempted to do a "Not Me! Monday", but I don't think that's going to happen today. Off to study some more...

Sweet Slobbery Kisses

One of the reasons I started this little blog is to document some of the cute day to day things my munchkin does that I want to remember. Unfortunately, I never thought I would be as busy as I am and not have time to update the random acts of cuteness on a more frequent basis.

Sheesh! Since my last post alone, SO much has happened (went to the fair, lost my phone, had a crappy week of clinicals, etc, etc). So many moments of cuteness, and some I don't even get to be around for :(  I didn't think I would have such a hard time going back to school this year. Last year, when I started first semester, the munchkin was only six weeks old, and it was hard being away from him. I never thought it would be harder this year. Except it is. It's so much harder. He's so much more aware now, so much more fun interacting with, and while I love coming home and seeing that smiling little face stumbling toddling running towards me, I miss him so much when I'm gone.

Ok, enough wallowing in my own mommy misery. There was a really cute moment the other night I wanted to make sure I remember. It was bedtime. Bath was finished, lotion slathered, book(s) read, blankies found (he has two he likes to sleep with and bring upstairs with him), nuk inserted (thankfully he only "needs" it at bedtime). I told Kaleb to go give daddy a kiss goodnight. He turned, and walked over towards his daddy with his mouth wide open. That's how he gives kisses still--sloppy, mouth-wide-open kisses. He got about a foot away and fell into Martin's arms. I love it. It was just a priceless moment for me. My baby walking towards his daddy, arms held high, mouth wide open waiting for his kiss. No hesitation, no wondering if daddy might not be there to catch him. Just pure love and trust. Makes me think we're doing an ok job so far :)

And now, some cuteness to share. We went to the fair on Sunday and had an (overall) good time. I lost my cell phone, which sucks, but other than that... Anyway. We stopped to get some roasted corn on the cob. First of all, the munchkin loves (LOVES!) corn on the cob. Here's some proof:

So we shared part of our corn at the fair with the munchkin. This is the end result:

Sorry for the quality, or lack of. That's from my phone, thankfully I decided to send this pic to a friend, or it would've been lost forever.

And finally, if you'd like a sweet baby kiss, all you've got to do is ask. This is what you'll get:

That's all for me for now. Off to study for our first test that's on Monday. I'm so far behind, this isn't going to be pretty....

Brand Spankin' New

I'm trying to study for a medical dosages test that I have tomorrow after lecture (that I have to pass with 100%) but I wanted to get a quick story up during a study break.

Yesterday Martin went to run his mom to Target and decided to take the munchkin along. Martin's mom decided Kaleb needed a new pair of shoes (he really did) and some socks (she hates it when he goes barefoot)(which is all the time). I was making supper when they got home and Kaleb was playing with his shoes in the kitchen. He would put one in a drawer, then put another in the tupperware cupboard. It was cute. I suggested putting the shoes on the munchkin. Apparently at the store as soon as he had the shoes on he would revert back to his bear crawling ways. We put the shoes on him and sure enough, he wouldn't walk, would only do his bear crawl.

Even with both Martin and I holding a hand he didn't want to walk. Finally we both let go and just tried to encourage him, cheering when he took even one step, and picking him back up again when he tripped and fell. Everytime we would start cheering for him he would try to take more and more steps and look up to see our reactions. It was a small moment, but it really made me think. There are going to be so many times as Kaleb grows up when I'll want to take him by the hand and help him on his way. But I need to learn how to stand back and watch him take steps on his own, ready to help him back up when he trips and falls.

On a side note, Kaleb didn't want to take his new shoes off until it was time to get jammies on. He was rockin' the diaper and tennis shoes look :) Hopefully I can get a picture up here soon....

Now back to studying for my stupid math test. Stupid math.

Mmmmm Meatloaf...

This will probably be a short post, but I feel like putting something up today. I had the day off from school today since we only have clinicals one day this week (tomorrow). M had a job with a buddy working on a fence for his mom so it was just the munchkin and I today. We ended up taking a trip to the Como Zoo. Como is a great place in my opinion. You can walk around the lake at Como Park or head over to the zoo. They ask for a donation for an entrance fee, but won't turn anyone away because they can't pay. After driving around for what seemed like forever trying to find a parking spot we headed into the zoo.

It was a little tough today since it was just Kaleb and I. I couldn't take pictures and it was a little tiring taking Kaleb in and out of the stroller so he could see everything. I used an umbrella stroller my mom gave us instead of the big stroller, and it sits a little lower to the ground. It wasn't a huge deal though, and Kaleb loved, loved, LOVED seeing the monkeys. He wasn't too impressed with any of the other animals (except the giraffes), but couldn't get enough of the primate building. It was really cute though, the way his jaw dropped when the big girrafes started moving. I think he thought they were statues :)

The morning went really smoothly, but the afternoon was the complete opposite. For some reason Kaleb decided he wasn't into the whole napping thing today and only slept for about 45 minutes. That tends to make for one crabby baby...and subsequently a crabby mommy. Martin finally got home so I was able to finish working on starting dinner. He took Kaleb along and went to drive his mom to Sam's Club so she could pick up a couple things. Which allowed me time to write this and get dinner in the oven.

Speaking of dinner, I have a story to tell about my attempt at putting it together (and how I was almost foiled by the cats) but it will have to wait. I just heard the car pull into the garage and the timer is about to ding for dinner. What's on the menu? Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. I've never made meatloaf, so we'll see how it goes. Sorry for the boring post....