Santa, take 2

We tried taking Kaleb to see Santa yesterday, but he wasn't having it. He was all smiley and giggling at other kids sitting on Santa's lap, but as soon as Martin set him down (after making friends with Santa first) he started to get teary eyed and was heading toward a mini-meltdown. I tried showing him how nice Santa is, and Santa even gave him a sucker, but it wasn't going to happen.

The little boy in front of us in line was a crying, sobbing mess, but his parents made him stay on Santa's lap. I'm not going to criticize anyone's parenting, or their choice to get pictures of their terrified child on Santa's lap, but it's just not worth it to me. Add to that the fact that my dad very closely resembles Santa (in fact there's a little girl my parents know who is convinced that my dad is Santa) and I'm afraid Kaleb might project that fear onto my dad. It happened with my cousin's daughter (who refused to even look at my dad at our family Christmas party after her Santa drama), and I guess it made me a little paranoid :)

The kicker of it all was when I was carrying Kaleb back over to where Martin was standing, an employee actually asked me if I was going to buy a package. Like somehow sitting on Santa's lap required a fee of (at least) $26 (yes, seriously, the smallest photo package was $26!). I told her I don't really want to spend almost thirty dollars to buy a picture of my son scared on Santa's lap.

I mean, really.

I think this post is starting to sound a little bit Grinch-y, and that was definitely not my intention... I blame it on my sinus infection and how yucky I'm feeling (which reminds me, can I just say how thankful I am to have found a doctor who deals only in cash? Doesn't work with insurance companies at all, only charges $36 for an office visit, and has a place that will run labs for reasonable? SO thankful. And thankful for Z-paks [thank you Pasteur and Koch])

So anyway, I'm glad Kaleb didn't completely freak out yesterday, and we still have a little Christmas shopping to do tomorrow so we're going to try a different mall and see if maybe a second helping of Santa lessens the anxiety a bit. Since we don't have a picture of Kaleb with Santa this year, here's a look at how last year's visit went:

Aaaaand this year:

Tonight we wrapped a bunch of presents, and now it's late. Martin's lying next to me and I keep getting big heavy sighs and the occasional toss-and-turn, so that probably means I should sign off... Hopefully I'll have a cute Kaleb and Santa picture to post tomorrow :)

Understanding the concept

"Sweetie, mama can't understand you with your nuk in your mouth. Can you take it out please?"

*takes out nuk* "ah bah bah ish nder?" *puts nuk back in*

"Oh really?"

What else can I say? I generally can't understand half of what he says, but at least he's getting the idea down right? I just don't tell him that I have no idea what he's babbling about. Unless it seems like there's something he's trying to tell me, then we usually get it figured out.

My Munchkin

You know, I thought that being on break would lend itself well to the whole blogging concept. Lots of free time, no need to procrastinate, and being able to log onto the computer out of pleasure, not necessity should provide plenty of opportunities for blogging, right?

Yeah, that's what I thought too. Turns out I was wrong. The reasons above? Well I do have lots of free time...that I'd rather spend playing with Kaleb. I have no reason to procrastinate...therefore I spend less time messing around on the computer. And as for logging on for fun instead of drudgery? Well see reason number one for that answer. Why log on at all when there are munchkins to be tickled, and cars to be raced?

So I've been MIA for a little while. My last two posts I actually scheduled, so technically I've been off of Blogger for going on a week now. And I'm starting to go through a little withdrawal :)

I was planning to get some posts started today, but that idea went right out the window when Kaleb woke up with the worst diaper rash he's ever had.
And he's had some doozies letmetellyou. On top of that, he and I are both battling nasty colds so he spent most of the day cuddling with me (loved it!).

My poor baby had such a sore butt that he literally did not sit down all day. He either stood, leaned against me, or laid on his tummy all day. Poor kid. I felt so bad for him. One of the worst things about being a mommy (IMHO) is not being able to fix whatever's wrong, and make your baby feel better. Seeing him cry in pain just from changing a diaper is enough to make me cry!

On a good note, though, Kaleb's verbal skills are improving by leaps and bounds almost daily. He understands so much, but I was starting to worry about how little he was verbalizing. I shouldn't've worried, apparently. He's spouting off new words (unfortunately one of them today was 'ow') and starting to put two words together ('mama ball?' usually means he threw his ball down the stairs and wants me to go get it, and 'uh-oh nooo' usually means I need to go check out the damage).

Today he was obsessed with the refrigerator. "Ball?" he'd ask. I can assure you there was not a ball in there. There was, however, a round red tomato. There's no convincing him, however. Later today there was a bowl full of white balls in there (or as we adults call them, hardboiled eggs), and that's what he kept asking for.

"Ball?"

"Honey, that's not a ball, it's an egg...would you like an egg?"

"Ball?"

"Sweetie, it's not a...*sigh* do you want a ball?"

"Haaa" (with a big smile and the sign for please--means yes)

At least he's got the concept down, right?

Don't cry over spilled tater tots

In my last post, I was writing about how uncertain I am about how to be the best parent to Kaleb. I want to parent him lovingly and effectively, without overindulging or smothering.

This idea has been nagging me for a while, and it only grows as Kaleb does. Now that he's more mobile, and more aware of cause and effect, and is pushing limits (because that's what he's supposed to do at this age), I worry that I'm going to default to the way I was raised. With the yelling, and the controlling, and the making big deals out of little things. I believe that being conscious of that fear is an important step, but I feel the need to be more proactive with it. Never more so than after dinner Saturday night.
 I spent most of the day working on a final paper due for school. I went upstairs to make dinner, and while I was working on the sloppy joes Martin got tater tots out of the freezer and put them on a cookie sheet on the counter. He set the oven to preheat and went back into the living room. During this time Kaleb was wandering around with his latest favorite toy. The broom.


Yes, the broom.


He's so cute walking around sweeping everything he can. He holds the very end of the broom handle and pushes it around in front of him. Adorable.


So I got the sloppy joes going, the oven was preheating, the boys were all in the living room, and I had to run back downstairs to the family room to check an email I knew had come in. Suddenly I heard what sounded like a bunch of marbles hit the floor. I knew right away what it was, but not what caused it (it's sometimes hard to tell around here, what with a sometimes klutzy teenager, a toddler, six cats, and two dogs).


I ran upstairs and got to the kitchen the same time Martin finally walked over from the living room. On my way up the stairs I heard Kaleb saying "Ooooh" which is his "uh-oh" that usually means he did something. When I walked into the kitchen I see the broom on the floor...along with a cookie sheet and frozen tater tots. My poor baby knew that what had happened wasn't a good thing, and I could tell he was upset, but I was also sure he didn't intend to knock the tray on the floor.


Martin right away got upset and I could tell he was going to start yelling. Over tater tots. Tater tots! The whole 5lb bag cost $5, and we were down to the last 2 servings so it's not like Kaleb knocked a ming vase off the counter. It was a cookie sheet of tater tots. Add to that the fact that I'm sure it was an accident, and I don't see the good that could come from making a 16 month old feel terrible about accidentally knocking something off the counter.


Normally I would just let Martin yell and get upset and just stay out of the way until he decided to calm down and act rationally. But when I walked in and saw the look in our son's eyes it broke my heart. What I saw in those little brown eyes was that he knew he knocked the cookie sheet down, he knew that it wasn't a good thing that had happened, and he already felt badly. He saw Martin getting worked up and was getting ready to start crying. I stepped in, told him it was ok, I knew it was an accident, that we'd clean it up and everything would be ok. He helped me clean up the mess, and everything was fine. It got me thinking though...


What about down the road when it's not a situation as simple as tater tots accidentally knocked off the counter? How will I handle it when he starts acting purposefully defiant (which he will--he got a double dose of stubborn, like my best friend likes to say), or when he starts pushing limits even more? How do I parent him without controlling him, without screwing him up, and without ever making him feel like he's worthless for making the mistakes that he will make--that we all do? How do I get Martin on board so Kaleb has consistency?


The short answer is: I don't know.


But I'm determined, and on a mission to figure it out. I have a few ideas, and a few resources that were suggested, so I'm going to check them out. You can be sure you'll hear about my (our) progress :)

For now, though, I'm off. I'm ready to be finished with school for a while (a whole month!!), and to have time to just breathe again.

Cute pictures coming soon :D

Mad skills

Parenting skills, that is.

There have been many times since learning that I was pregnant with Kaleb (and before that, even) that I wondered if I would be a good mother. I mean I love kids, and obviously love my son, and know that I wouldn't do anything to hurt him intentionally (or try to screw him up). But I feel like at some point most parents seem to default, in some way, back the the parenting style they were raised with.

That idea doesn't sit well with me. I was raised by an abusive mother. When my brother and I were little it was more physical abuse, and as we got older (after she was forced to leave our home under the threat of losing custody) it became more verbal and emotional. I grew up with lots of yelling--that seemed to be the norm in my house. Yelling and swearing.

Big things, little things, everything that my mom saw as wrong or irritating or whatever was met with yelling and put-downs and all the rest. Thankfully my mom was able to change (after some strong boundary setting on my part and hard work on hers) and we now have a good relationship. I've forgiven her and we've moved on. I completely trust when she and my dad take Kaleb for the weekend that he is in nothing but good, loving hands. I only bring this up to provide a little background.

So that's where I'm coming from. Martin comes from a home that was led by a single mom who worked 2-3 jobs at a time to support the family. Martin was largely raised by his two older siblings (six and seven years older than he), and then was pretty much on his own from junior high on. He didn't have a mother there to parent him all the time, and definitely made a lot of bad choices he might otherwise not have made.

I don't say this to put Martin's mom down--she did the best she could with what she had, and I admire how hard of a worker she is. She has said many times that she regrets many of the parenting decisions that she made at the time. But we all know you can't go back, so there is no choice but to move forward. I feel like Martin is a good father, but there are areas where I really don't agree with how he handles things. 

I somehow turned out ok, but I wonder how to be a good parent to Kaleb and teach him all the things I somehow learned in spite of the control tactics, yelling, screaming, etc. I want him to grow up knowing beyond a doubt that he is loved no matter what he does, but I also want him to grow up to be a strong, trustworthy, righteous man.

This is getting to be a little long, so I think I will leave the how I will go about doing that for another post. Stay tuned...

Me? Procrastinate? Never.

Because we all know I don't procrastinate... Never!

So it's the middle of the night, and I should be studying. Well, I really should be sleeping, but I procrastinated writing my final paper for Ethics, and put off studying much for my theory final and Ethics final that are both on Monday. So I've been sitting on the couch for most of the day, laptop in lap, writing my stupid Ethics paper.

And yes, it is as exciting as it sounds...

What would one write if they were to write an Ethics paper, you ask? Ok, so you didn't ask, but I'll tell you anyway. Our instructor gave us a few scenarios to choose from, or we could pick our own ethical dilemma (but really, who has the brain power for that so near the end of the semester? I mean, really), then we have to argue for whatever side we choose to take on that dilemma, and support it with at least two of the theories we studied this semester.

Ok. I should not be writing anything. Did you read that last run on sentence? I should not be left unsupervised right now...

So the scenario I chose was that I have to pick between saving the life of one child or 100 adults. I cannot choose both. Whichever I don't choose will die. I know a few people picked that same topic, and most picked that they would choose to save the 100 adults. This goes back to a principle proposed by John Stuart Mill among others, of utilitarianism. Basically, the more ethical choice is the one that brings about the greatest good to the greatest number of people.

Based on that, it would seem logical to save the 100. After all, 100 is more than one, thereby fulfilling the basic premise of the theory, right?

Well, yeah, probably. But I chose to go one step further and say that I would not choose to save the 100 adults. I also would not choose the one child. Strictly using the view supported by Mill it would seem that saving the 100 adults would bring the greatest good to the greatest number of people. After all, 100 people would get to keep their lives.

But what if those 100 adults were people who were chosen specifically for the fact that they have no living relatives, and no other social relationships? And what if the one child had a large extended family (think Duggar sized), with strong social ties. Letting the 100 adults perish would affect 100 people. Choosing to let the child die could affect many more than that.

And now I have officially blogged more about my paper than I've actually written...

On that note, I leave to finish my outline that's also due (because apparently this is elementary school english class, not a college level Ethics class), and to throw some more of my paper together.

Sorry this wasn't the most interesting post. I will be returning to the regularly scheduled broadcast posting (and munchkin cuteness of course) shortly.


P.S. Speaking of the Duggars, if you haven't heard, Michelle Duggar gave birth to her 19th child this week. Baby Josie was born prematurely, and is currently in the NICU. No matter what your thoughts on the size of their family, please take a moment to say a prayer (or send positive thoughts, or do whatever you do) for the Duggar family and their new baby girl.

Wordless Wednesday

Kaleb and his daddy

Kaleb loves his daddy. I love to see the two of them together (although i have to frequently remind Martin that Kaleb will do things just to be like daddy). It's hard to get pictures of them together, though, because Martin usually hides when I bring the camera out.

Kaleb has started giving a big cheesy grin when I aim the camera (or my phone) at him. Is that a sign I've been taking too many pictures?

Nah.

Anyway, the other day I was able to get a couple pictures of Kaleb playing with Martin.

Here Kaleb is attempting to trade his nuk for a sip of daddy's strawberry shake:

Score!!

The Steamroll

I wanted to put some pictures up, but sadly realized that the last time I took pictures of the munchkin was on Halloween. I'll have to get on that.

When Kaleb was younger, he started doing this thing where he would give you a hug, then a kiss, then he would put his shoulder into you and roll over you. We started calling it the steamroll. He doesn't do it as much anymore, unless we ask him too. Sad, but I guess it would be awkward if he greeted his first school friends with a steamroll. Although he did try to steamroll a kid at the library about a month ago. I was torn between laughing because it was cute and funny, and telling him to stop because we shouldn't steamroll people we don't know. I opted for the latter, but it would have been funny :)

So I present to you the steamroll:

That's my munchkin :)

Updates

I don't really have much to write about today. My brain is mush after two days of OB clinicals. I did get to be in the OR during a C-section, though, so that was pretty dang cool. And I got to sit and cuddle a one day old baby while mom took a shower (the hospital we were at doesn't have a healthy newborn nursery). That was awesome. And did nothing to cool my baby fever...

Since I don't have much of substance to write about, I thought I'd just do a jumble of cute (I think) Kaleb updates.

We've been working forever with him on body parts. Usually, though, if I ask him to point to something he'll just giggle at me. The other day though, Martin asked him to point to his nose, and he did. So we decided to see how much he had really picked up. So far he knows nose, ears, eyes, mouth, teeth, tongue, feet, fingers, and head. He's so proud of himself too, it's adorable.

Kaleb's new favorite thing is throwing his diaper in the garbage after he gets changed. The first time we asked him to do it (jokingly) he picked it up, toddled over to the trash, tossed it in, and looked to see our reactions. We clapped and told him how well he did, so now he'll throw it away, then start clapping for himself. Unfortunately we've had to start doing frequent trash can checks for things that shouldn't be in there...

My parents took Kaleb from Thanksgiving day until Sunday. He was nearly inconsolable when they left to go home after dropping him off. I love that he loves his namma and papa so much.

There are more updates, but I think I'll add them to another post at a later date. It's almost time for the munchkin to wake up from his nap.