The Munchkin Turns Two

I have a not so fun/upbeat post to write (I guess I don't have to, but I'd really like to be real here), but I'm procrastinating (you're shocked, I know!), and I'm going to write a cute post about Kaleb instead. He just turned two not so long ago, and he's at a really fun age.

I never imagined that one little boy could bring so much love and joy into my life. Even when things have seemed pretty bleak lately, I look at him, or hear his sweet little voice, and everything seems better. Then he throws a monster, 2-year old, neighbors about to call the cops, flopping around on the floor temper tantrum, and I'm right back to reality.

Kidding.

Mostly.

Kaleb is a little jokester, and loves to laugh and make others laugh. He calls all little kids "baby" even though we'ver repeatedly corrected him that they're big kids (or little kids, or teenagers, or whatever). When he gets hurt he says "I sowwy" because apparently I said that (well, I said sorry, not sowwy, but you know what I mean) a lot when I would be changing his diaper and he'd have an obviously sore bottom. He loves giving kisses and confuses the heck out of Chevy, who doesn't know if he's about to get tackled, ridden, or kissed. Everything big is "daddy" and everything little is "baby." He has two little school buses he carries almost everywhere. One is daddy schoolbus (which comes out sounding just like toothbrush) and the little one is baby schoolbus. Semis are "big trucks," and when he says he loves something it comes out sounding like lalalala big trucks. It's adorable :) Oh, and doggy sounds just like daddy. That one has caused a few confusing moments...

He had a man thoroughly confused not too long ago when we passed him as he was getting on, and we were getting off an elevator. This guy had to have been 6' 5" easy, and Kaleb had to lean waaaaay back to see all the way to the top of his head. He turned around, pointed, and said "daddy!!" I knew he meant that the guy was big, but boy did I get a look :)

Kaleb loves the pool, but has no fear and no concept of the danger involved in walking into deep water. We're hoping to get him into swimming lessons this year to help with some of that. He wanted very badly to follow a gaggle of geese into a pond earlier today. "Pool?" No, honey, that's a pond, and we can't swim with the geese. "Ducks?" Geese, sweetie. "Ducks?" Geese. "Ducks!" Sigh.

Cookies are chi-chis, he's very specific about when he wants apple juice, and will ask specifically for "appa juuuuuice." He's recently become addicted to fruit snacks, and asks for them in the most adorable way, but I can't translate it. He's learning thank you, and if it's something he really, really wants he will bust out a "pease" without having to be prompted. He loves his grandparents to pieces. If he can't find someone he'll ask "papa, where ah ooh?" When he's impatient it's "c'mon!" 

He's a very stubborn, demanding, shy around people he doesn't know well, car loving, apple juice swigging, picking up new words every day (even though he'll only say them when he wants to), giggly, truck obsessed, loving little boy, and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world :)

Catching Up

Wow, it's been a long time since I last wrote! Yikes! And holy cow, has a lot happened since my last post. To catch you up (or me, cuz let's face it, I'm pretty sure any followers I might've had have long since vanished), Martin didn't get the job. They yanked him around for a few days and finally said no thanks. He's had a few other interviews, but nothing has panned out yet. It's so frustrating for him, and it's so hard for me to watch him go through this.

On a brighter note, I finished my preceptorship, graduated school, started on my BSN (4 year degree), passed my boards just last week (WOO HOO!!!), and have an interview lined up for next Wednesday at a nursing home in a little town about an hour, hour and a half south of here. It would be a long haul, and it's not my dream job, but I'll take anything I can get at this point! Hospitals aren't hiring new grads, and some places (hospitals and nursing homes alike) aren't hiring nurses at all. It's a really sucky time to have graduated, let me tell you!

And now on to a less bright note... Never mind. I'd like to end this post on a bright note. I don't know when I'll get to do that again, so I'll just start another post.

Babies, babies, babies!

So we're still not sure whether Martin got the job, or not. He had orientation and a road test on Monday and Tuesday of this week, but they're not sure if they're going to hire him on or not. It's very frustrating, and it seems like no one really knows what's going on. He should find out for sure tomorrow, or at the latest Friday, and if he's hired he'll leave Friday for the first 14 days of a 42 day run with a trainer. I'm just praying right now that this will work out.

On a happier note, I'm 3 shifts away from finishing my 80 hour preceptorship on the labor and delivery unit. It's so much more interesting than I thought it would be (so different from what our OB clinicals were like), and makes me think I'd like to work L&D someday. Someday, when I'm ready to settle in somewhere, and when I'm past the age of having little ones. It's a wonderful place to be, with babies being born all day long (17 on my first day) and there's so much to learn and so many things to stay on top of. Labor and delivery nurses have a lot of autonomy (at least at the hospital I'm at) and need to make split second decisions that affect not only mom, but baby too.


Unfortunately, there's also a sad side to labor and delivery. We had an IUFD (Intrauterine Fetal Demise) come to the unit last week, one of several over the past several weeks. The mom was 36 weeks pregnant, and the baby had a reactive NST (non-stress test) and a positive biophysical profile (BPP) just days before. It was suspected that the baby had some kind of chromosomal abnormality, based on some early testing during the pregnancy, but mom had declined an amniocentesis. They tried to induce labor, so the mom could deliver vaginally, but unfortunately it didn't work and she ended up needing a repeat c-section. After mom, dad, baby and the rest of the family had a bedside blessing ceremony and had time to hold, take pictures, and spend time with their baby girl, the baby's body was taken to a room to await transfer down to the morgue. My preceptor thought it would be relevant and important for me to see the baby. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen. I know that God has a plan for everything, but my brain can not make sense of why babies die. 

I had intended for this post to take a different direction, but I think I needed to get that experience out. Next time I'll focus a little more on the positive (and sometimes funny) side of working on the L&D unit. 

And I'll try to post some pictures of the munchkin. He's getting so big, so fast, and learning new words everyday. It's absolutely amazing!! 

The light at the end of the tunnel

I've always been a pretty optimistic person. Not quite full-on Pollyanna, but I usually feel like things will turn out for the best. That attitude has been a little tough to maintain lately, with everything that's been going on. It's felt less like things are getting better, and more like the light at the end of the tunnel is a train heading my way. 

Hopefully (knock on wood) that is about to change.

I'm less than a month away from graduating, and, provided I find the time to study, I'm mere months away from working again. Not only working, but working a job that will actually allow me to pay my bills. A job that is not dead-end. I'm hopeful.

I'm also hopeful because Martin finally got a call back about a job. He goes in a week and a half for orientation. Provided that goes well he can start training. The job is driving semi over the road, out for 10 days, home for 2.

It's not the job either of us would have picked for him right now, but it's a job. Income would be really nice right about now. We're uncomfortably close to having the car repossessed, and we're still going to be short on May's rent. We've been trying to get stuff together to hold a garage sale to hopefully make some rent money, but we lost steam on that project. Hopefully next week we can start back up on that.

I start my preceptorship tomorrow. That's where we work one-on-one with a nurse for 80 hours-worth of shifts, the idea being that we would be working (mostly) independently with multiple patients by the end of the 80 hours. I'm working labor and delivery, and very much looking forward to it. 

So right now, things seem to be looking up. And not the sound of a train to be heard...

I need to get some pictures uploaded, and hopefully I can decrease the doom and gloom factor of this blog, while increasing the cuteness factor exponentially.

Blog Vomit...Warning: this is just me venting on built-up emotions

I'm thankful that Kaleb is so young while we're going through the hard times that we are. He doesn't know that anything is different than it was 7 months ago. I try not to show my stress around him (which probably explains the headaches I've been having so often lately). He thankfully can't do math to understand that the $1000-1200 we're earning a month can not come close to covering even our rent and car payments, let alone the other necessities we have each month. He's too young to read a calendar to know that yesterday was Easter, or to understand that the Easter bunny completely skipped our house. Buying candy and a basket has definitely not been at the top of our list of priorities lately. 

As I'm typing this, I realize not only how long it's been since I've blogged about my munchkin, but how long it's been since I took pictures of him. I've been feeling so down that some days it's hard enough getting my butt out of bed/off the couch to play with him; taking pictures hasn't even been on my radar. That needs to change. I want to remember this time. Not for the hardships we're experiencing, but for the amazing little boy Kaleb is becoming. He'll be 2 in a few months, and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. He's running everywhere, talking (adding new words by the day), and has been learning his letters. It's so cute. He wants to know what all the letters are on signs, shirts, newspapers, etc. So far he knows the capital letters A, I, Y, O, E, M and sometimes R. I had no idea he knew any letters until we were at the library a while back and I held up a foam letter Y and asked him what letter it was. He knew. I guess he's been paying attention as I name the letters on his blocks...

This is scary for me to put out there, because I know there are a lot of judgmental people out there, but I'm going to take the chance anyway. We had to go apply for public assistance through the county. It feels horribly degrading the way some people treat us once they know we're taking help from the county. So far that help includes cash assistance that goes right to our rent, food assistance, daycare assistance (which we have to use to get the cash assistance), and health insurance. In order for them to send the money to our landlord, we both have to spend 35 hours a week actively looking for work. They also told me that I needed to quit school, that it's not a priority. I was told that it would be better for me to work full time at a minimum wage job than to finish the last 2 months of school before graduation. The kicker is that we're only eligible for the cash and daycare assistance until the end of May anyway. I'm not sure how taking myself out of nursing school (jobs that start at more than $20 an hour) is more beneficial than quitting and setting myself up for needing continuing assistance from the county. Supporting myself = bad, taking a minimum wage job that will keep me dependent on assistance from the county = good?? It's so frustrating. So starting a few weeks ago, Kaleb goes to daycare 35 hours a week so Martin and I can look for work. Between us, Martin and I have a ton of applications out there, but so far neither of us has gotten a call back.

The not so good thing about getting this assistance is that in the 2 or 3 weeks that Kaleb has been in daycare, he's been healthy two of those days. One good thing about getting help is that we now have health insurance. Good thing, since Kaleb started to get worse this weekend, after having a cold that was getting no better for almost 2 weeks straight. Poor kid was wheezing, coughing so hard he was gagging, and so worn out all he wanted to do was sit around--SO not my boy. By the time he got up from his nap yesterday we decided we needed to take him in. Apparently it's a combination of croup, RSV, and general cold stuff. He got a dose of prednisone, a nebulizer treatment, and was sent home with a prescription for more neb treatments. If we didn't have insurance we wouldn't be able to afford all that. We're spending the day today trying to get Kaleb to rest, hoping he'll start feeling better. Right now I'm downstairs blogging (obviously), and about to lay down and try to get rid of this headache. I'll relieve Martin after nap time and hopefully he can get some rest too--we both caught the first cold Kaleb brought home a couple weeks ago, and it seems to be settling into Martin's chest.

I've already written about 3 times more than I intended to. I think I just needed to get some of this off my chest. If there are any readers out there reading this, could you please say a quick prayer (or 2) for my family? A couple things we definitely need prayers for are: our health as a family, and especially Kaleb's breathing; that we'll find work soon so that we won't be facing eviction or the loss of our car (necessary for Martin's paper routes); that we keep our sanity through all of this; that this time of struggle will bring us closer to each other and to God, instead of driving us apart. Thank you.
   

 

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

I haven't posted in over a month. I've tried, and I've had things to write about, but the combination of having so much school work this semester, and the way life has gotten in the way, I just haven't made this blog much of a priority. 

It feels lately like nothing can go right. I've been struggling with school in a way I haven't since first semester. I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted all of the time. We found out that Martin is no longer eligible for unemployment, and it's just a matter of time before everything falls apart. I was just trying to focus on getting through the next couple months while being the best mommy I can be while finishing school so I can support us. Then last Saturday morning happened. 

I was in the middle of a dream where I was trying to swim in a pool with a polar bear (a friendly one), but I couldn't stay above water. The harder I swam, the faster I sank. Right then Martin was shaking me awake saying "Becky, wake up, Dozer's dead." The words made no sense, and it took a while for me to make sense of what was happening. Dozer was our big boy kitty. He was seriously huge--not fat, just really large. When he walked next to me I could hold his tail without leaning even a little to the side. Kaleb loved laying on him like he was a big body pillow, and Dozer just put up with it. He was the sweetest kitty who's favorite thing in the world to do was take naps with me. He'd crawl under the blankets and curl up right next to me; when I was pregnant he'd lay next to me and knead my belly. Even though many people think pets are disposable, he was a big part of my life and is sadly missed. 

What makes me the most angry about the whole situation is the way Dozer died. We have a big plastic food bin, and Dozer was constantly trying to open the lid and eat the food. After he dumped it and the cats ate all the food, we got a new, bigger bin for the dogs, and moved theirs downstairs for the cats. It had a handle that flipped up in order to unlock the lid. Dozer was always trying to push it open with his nose to get at the food, just like he could with the smaller one. Sometime that Friday afternoon, he succeeded. He got into the food bin, and one of the other cats must have jumped on the lid once it closed, which made the handle latch just enough that it locked. Poor Dozer was locked inside the airtight bin, and I was so out of it that day (it was a really bad day) that I never realized he was missing. It should've dawned on me when he didn't come up to try to scam some of Kaleb's dinner. Martin found him laying in the food bin the next morning when he went in to feed the cats. 

It was such a senseless accident, and the danger of the food bin never dawned on me. It angers me that a pet supply company would design and sell a bin that had that danger as a possibility. It makes me so angry. Right away we checked the dogs' bin, and that one has a handle that secures from the bottom, so there's no way it can accidentally latch. To top it off, we don't have the money to properly dispose of poor Dozer. The vet needs $85 to have him cremated if we don't want the remains back, and $130 if we do. The only other advice they could give was to bury him. We rent--not sure the owners (or the homeowner's association for that matter) would appreciate that gesture. We're still over $300 short on our rent this month, so we definitely don't have that kind of money. So as creepy as it seems, we have Dozer wrapped up in a box inside a bag inside our big freezer until we can afford to have him properly taken care of.

I know in the grand scheme of things, the death of a pet is low on the list of things that could go wrong. It just seems like the past few years it's been one thing after another and if something does go right, it's not for very long. I'm really not trying to have a pity party here. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am, I'm just also tired of the number of things that have gone to crap. 


I don't really have much else to write right now, and I have two papers that were due yesterday that I really should finish. It would suck to be kicked out of the program a month and a half away from graduation for something as dumb as not turning in some papers. Blah.

 

At least he knows his animals...

We were eating dinner the other night when the following exchange took place. Well, Martin and I were still eating dinner. Kaleb had finished and was playing nearby. Kaleb saw Martin had something different on his plate, so he wandered over to see what daddy had.

Martin: Munchkin, do you want some chicken? (holds a bite of chicken out for Kaleb to try)

Kaleb: Buck, buck, buuuuck!

Martin: (trying not to laugh too hard) Yes, honey, that is what a chicken says. Would you like a bite?

Kaleb: *shakes his head no and walks away*

Mommy: *tries not to shoot milk out of her nose*

Where'd it go?!

I'm actually just on my way to bed, but I had to write about something Kaleb did today, because it was so darn cute I don't ever want to forget it.

So, it gets cold here in Minnesota in the winter. I think today it was in the low 20's (which is actually quite balmy for January. In Minnesota). In older houses it's pretty common to have to put plastic over the windows to keep the heat from being sucked out through the cracks. We don't have a very old home (probably 10 years or so??), but we do have a sunroom that is on the back part of our main floor. You may have seen it in pictures--that mint green monstrosity??

Seriously, our friend once said he felt he was trapped inside an Andes mint when he was out there. But I digress...

Anyway, the sunroom is a four season room, but the way it is built, there is no insulation (or really crappy insulation) under the floor. That combined with the fact that there are two big windows and a sliding glass door means it gets pretty chilly out there. We used to close the doors and put a little space heater out there when we used it as a TV room, but we've had it open all this winter.

A while back we had a cold snap, and decided to see if keeping those doors shut made much of a difference. Boy howdy, does it! About 30 degrees difference on the colder days! 30 degrees!! As in 71 inside the house, 41 in the sunroom. Crazy.

It's kind of fun though, to open the doors in the morning and feel the big rush of cold air. It's not so fun to realize how much better the whole house stays heated when the doors are closed.

No fun at all for the munchkin, who uses the sunroom as a toy room.

We've been pulling toys into the living room in the morning, and switching them out as needed. That was not an appropriate solution in Kaleb's mind. He wants the doors open. And he pushes them open all day long. So today Martin came up with a solution that works for everyone. He hung a thick blanket over the doorway, which allows people (and animals) in and out, but mostly keeps the heat in the living room.

Today after his nap, Kaleb didn't pay much attention to the big red blanket over the doorway. Martin put it up during naptime, so Kaleb hadn't seen it yet. About 45 minutes after he got up Kaleb was running around playing, then decided to go over to the blanket and peek around it. All of a sudden he yelled "Der it is!" and ran into the sunroom. He wasn't looking for any toys, he just went in then came back out a minute later. It was hilarious! I'm not sure where he thought the sunroom went, but he finally found it. Oh to have the mind of a toddler ;)

Lexi (our Jack Russell) wasn't quite so intuitive when it came to the blanket. She didn't try to peek around it at all. But Martin threw a tennis ball towards it, she chased it, and tried to stop, then braced for impact like she was about to hit a wall. You could almost hear the dumfoundment (is that a word?) when she passed on through the "wall."

Thankful I don't have the mind of a Russell...

Not much to say

Time to catch up

I thought that having a month off from school would give me plenty of time to catch up and stay on top of the whole blogging thing. Apparently, though, I blog the most when I'm trying to procratinate. Hmmmmm. So I was hardly ever online during my break and need to do some catching up.

Let's see.... Well, we never made it back to Santa. The money just wasn't there to get an actual picture, and Kaleb doesn't get the whole Santa thing yet, so it didn't seem worth it to go. I didn't realize, but Martin's mom was able to snap a picture the first time. I think Santa looks almost as thrilled as Kaleb does lol.

I should probably crop that pic down. It's tough though, because it's a scanned picture. But still priceless :)

Christmas was fun, Kaleb got the whole opening presents idea down pretty quickly. We got a big snow storm on Christmas day, so my family came down the next day instead. It was really nice having everyone together.

Hmmmmm. This is really tough, for some reason. Things just aren't flowing tonight. I'm back in school, and technically procrastinating, so I don't understand what the problem is.

I'd throw in a picture or two of Christmas morning, but I wasn't thinking ahead and only videoed (is that a word?) it. So yeah. That's about all I have right now.

Guess I'll go study.

What have I become?

Halves

So I made it through past the halfpoint way of my last year of school--for the RN (ASN) program anyway. Today was our first technical day back to school. I say technical because we had a day of "orientation" on Tuesday that was pretty much worthless. I decided against taking any extra classes this semester towards my BSN. I think the stress of taking extras was really getting to me. Plus, this is the last semester. The last semester!!!! So besides the normal crush of classes and clinicals, we have an 80 hour preceptorship, I have to study for the HESI test, and ultimately the NCLEX, and I'm also doing an honors project. So I'll be plenty busy. I've also been trying to get back into a routine of working out so I figure I'll leave a little time for that :)

Today is also momentous because it is Kaleb's half birthday. I can't believe my little baby is already a year and a half old! I can remember his birth like it was yesterday. While I've tried to cherish every moment I can of Kaleb's babyhood, the time is going by entirely too quickly. I wish I could slow the hours and the days down to keep him little as long as I can. At the same time, though, I love watching him grow into a little boy. He's sweet and funny and a mama's boy. He loves helping and sharing, and talking on the phone. I've been thinking of writing a post about the day Kaleb was born--I want to remember as much as possible and don't want to wait too long. Maybe that will be next :)