I'm thankful that Kaleb is so young while we're going through the hard times that we are. He doesn't know that anything is different than it was 7 months ago. I try not to show my stress around him (which probably explains the headaches I've been having so often lately). He thankfully can't do math to understand that the $1000-1200 we're earning a month can not come close to covering even our rent and car payments, let alone the other necessities we have each month. He's too young to read a calendar to know that yesterday was Easter, or to understand that the Easter bunny completely skipped our house. Buying candy and a basket has definitely not been at the top of our list of priorities lately.
As I'm typing this, I realize not only how long it's been since I've blogged about my munchkin, but how long it's been since I took pictures of him. I've been feeling so down that some days it's hard enough getting my butt out of bed/off the couch to play with him; taking pictures hasn't even been on my radar. That needs to change. I want to remember this time. Not for the hardships we're experiencing, but for the amazing little boy Kaleb is becoming. He'll be 2 in a few months, and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. He's running everywhere, talking (adding new words by the day), and has been learning his letters. It's so cute. He wants to know what all the letters are on signs, shirts, newspapers, etc. So far he knows the capital letters A, I, Y, O, E, M and sometimes R. I had no idea he knew any letters until we were at the library a while back and I held up a foam letter Y and asked him what letter it was. He knew. I guess he's been paying attention as I name the letters on his blocks...
This is scary for me to put out there, because I know there are a lot of judgmental people out there, but I'm going to take the chance anyway. We had to go apply for public assistance through the county. It feels horribly degrading the way some people treat us once they know we're taking help from the county. So far that help includes cash assistance that goes right to our rent, food assistance, daycare assistance (which we have to use to get the cash assistance), and health insurance. In order for them to send the money to our landlord, we both have to spend 35 hours a week actively looking for work. They also told me that I needed to quit school, that it's not a priority. I was told that it would be better for me to work full time at a minimum wage job than to finish the last 2 months of school before graduation. The kicker is that we're only eligible for the cash and daycare assistance until the end of May anyway. I'm not sure how taking myself out of nursing school (jobs that start at more than $20 an hour) is more beneficial than quitting and setting myself up for needing continuing assistance from the county. Supporting myself = bad, taking a minimum wage job that will keep me dependent on assistance from the county = good?? It's so frustrating. So starting a few weeks ago, Kaleb goes to daycare 35 hours a week so Martin and I can look for work. Between us, Martin and I have a ton of applications out there, but so far neither of us has gotten a call back.
The not so good thing about getting this assistance is that in the 2 or 3 weeks that Kaleb has been in daycare, he's been healthy two of those days. One good thing about getting help is that we now have health insurance. Good thing, since Kaleb started to get worse this weekend, after having a cold that was getting no better for almost 2 weeks straight. Poor kid was wheezing, coughing so hard he was gagging, and so worn out all he wanted to do was sit around--SO not my boy. By the time he got up from his nap yesterday we decided we needed to take him in. Apparently it's a combination of croup, RSV, and general cold stuff. He got a dose of prednisone, a nebulizer treatment, and was sent home with a prescription for more neb treatments. If we didn't have insurance we wouldn't be able to afford all that. We're spending the day today trying to get Kaleb to rest, hoping he'll start feeling better. Right now I'm downstairs blogging (obviously), and about to lay down and try to get rid of this headache. I'll relieve Martin after nap time and hopefully he can get some rest too--we both caught the first cold Kaleb brought home a couple weeks ago, and it seems to be settling into Martin's chest.
I've already written about 3 times more than I intended to. I think I just needed to get some of this off my chest. If there are any readers out there reading this, could you please say a quick prayer (or 2) for my family? A couple things we definitely need prayers for are: our health as a family, and especially Kaleb's breathing; that we'll find work soon so that we won't be facing eviction or the loss of our car (necessary for Martin's paper routes); that we keep our sanity through all of this; that this time of struggle will bring us closer to each other and to God, instead of driving us apart. Thank you.
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