So we're still not sure whether Martin got the job, or not. He had orientation and a road test on Monday and Tuesday of this week, but they're not sure if they're going to hire him on or not. It's very frustrating, and it seems like no one really knows what's going on. He should find out for sure tomorrow, or at the latest Friday, and if he's hired he'll leave Friday for the first 14 days of a 42 day run with a trainer. I'm just praying right now that this will work out.
On a happier note, I'm 3 shifts away from finishing my 80 hour preceptorship on the labor and delivery unit. It's so much more interesting than I thought it would be (so different from what our OB clinicals were like), and makes me think I'd like to work L&D someday. Someday, when I'm ready to settle in somewhere, and when I'm past the age of having little ones. It's a wonderful place to be, with babies being born all day long (17 on my first day) and there's so much to learn and so many things to stay on top of. Labor and delivery nurses have a lot of autonomy (at least at the hospital I'm at) and need to make split second decisions that affect not only mom, but baby too.
Unfortunately, there's also a sad side to labor and delivery. We had an IUFD (Intrauterine Fetal Demise) come to the unit last week, one of several over the past several weeks. The mom was 36 weeks pregnant, and the baby had a reactive NST (non-stress test) and a positive biophysical profile (BPP) just days before. It was suspected that the baby had some kind of chromosomal abnormality, based on some early testing during the pregnancy, but mom had declined an amniocentesis. They tried to induce labor, so the mom could deliver vaginally, but unfortunately it didn't work and she ended up needing a repeat c-section. After mom, dad, baby and the rest of the family had a bedside blessing ceremony and had time to hold, take pictures, and spend time with their baby girl, the baby's body was taken to a room to await transfer down to the morgue. My preceptor thought it would be relevant and important for me to see the baby. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen. I know that God has a plan for everything, but my brain can not make sense of why babies die.
I had intended for this post to take a different direction, but I think I needed to get that experience out. Next time I'll focus a little more on the positive (and sometimes funny) side of working on the L&D unit.
And I'll try to post some pictures of the munchkin. He's getting so big, so fast, and learning new words everyday. It's absolutely amazing!!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
The light at the end of the tunnel
I've always been a pretty optimistic person. Not quite full-on Pollyanna, but I usually feel like things will turn out for the best. That attitude has been a little tough to maintain lately, with everything that's been going on. It's felt less like things are getting better, and more like the light at the end of the tunnel is a train heading my way.
Hopefully (knock on wood) that is about to change.
I'm less than a month away from graduating, and, provided I find the time to study, I'm mere months away from working again. Not only working, but working a job that will actually allow me to pay my bills. A job that is not dead-end. I'm hopeful.
I'm also hopeful because Martin finally got a call back about a job. He goes in a week and a half for orientation. Provided that goes well he can start training. The job is driving semi over the road, out for 10 days, home for 2.
It's not the job either of us would have picked for him right now, but it's a job. Income would be really nice right about now. We're uncomfortably close to having the car repossessed, and we're still going to be short on May's rent. We've been trying to get stuff together to hold a garage sale to hopefully make some rent money, but we lost steam on that project. Hopefully next week we can start back up on that.
I start my preceptorship tomorrow. That's where we work one-on-one with a nurse for 80 hours-worth of shifts, the idea being that we would be working (mostly) independently with multiple patients by the end of the 80 hours. I'm working labor and delivery, and very much looking forward to it.
So right now, things seem to be looking up. And not the sound of a train to be heard...
I need to get some pictures uploaded, and hopefully I can decrease the doom and gloom factor of this blog, while increasing the cuteness factor exponentially.
Hopefully (knock on wood) that is about to change.
I'm less than a month away from graduating, and, provided I find the time to study, I'm mere months away from working again. Not only working, but working a job that will actually allow me to pay my bills. A job that is not dead-end. I'm hopeful.
I'm also hopeful because Martin finally got a call back about a job. He goes in a week and a half for orientation. Provided that goes well he can start training. The job is driving semi over the road, out for 10 days, home for 2.
It's not the job either of us would have picked for him right now, but it's a job. Income would be really nice right about now. We're uncomfortably close to having the car repossessed, and we're still going to be short on May's rent. We've been trying to get stuff together to hold a garage sale to hopefully make some rent money, but we lost steam on that project. Hopefully next week we can start back up on that.
I start my preceptorship tomorrow. That's where we work one-on-one with a nurse for 80 hours-worth of shifts, the idea being that we would be working (mostly) independently with multiple patients by the end of the 80 hours. I'm working labor and delivery, and very much looking forward to it.
So right now, things seem to be looking up. And not the sound of a train to be heard...
I need to get some pictures uploaded, and hopefully I can decrease the doom and gloom factor of this blog, while increasing the cuteness factor exponentially.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Blog Vomit...Warning: this is just me venting on built-up emotions
I'm thankful that Kaleb is so young while we're going through the hard times that we are. He doesn't know that anything is different than it was 7 months ago. I try not to show my stress around him (which probably explains the headaches I've been having so often lately). He thankfully can't do math to understand that the $1000-1200 we're earning a month can not come close to covering even our rent and car payments, let alone the other necessities we have each month. He's too young to read a calendar to know that yesterday was Easter, or to understand that the Easter bunny completely skipped our house. Buying candy and a basket has definitely not been at the top of our list of priorities lately.
As I'm typing this, I realize not only how long it's been since I've blogged about my munchkin, but how long it's been since I took pictures of him. I've been feeling so down that some days it's hard enough getting my butt out of bed/off the couch to play with him; taking pictures hasn't even been on my radar. That needs to change. I want to remember this time. Not for the hardships we're experiencing, but for the amazing little boy Kaleb is becoming. He'll be 2 in a few months, and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. He's running everywhere, talking (adding new words by the day), and has been learning his letters. It's so cute. He wants to know what all the letters are on signs, shirts, newspapers, etc. So far he knows the capital letters A, I, Y, O, E, M and sometimes R. I had no idea he knew any letters until we were at the library a while back and I held up a foam letter Y and asked him what letter it was. He knew. I guess he's been paying attention as I name the letters on his blocks...
This is scary for me to put out there, because I know there are a lot of judgmental people out there, but I'm going to take the chance anyway. We had to go apply for public assistance through the county. It feels horribly degrading the way some people treat us once they know we're taking help from the county. So far that help includes cash assistance that goes right to our rent, food assistance, daycare assistance (which we have to use to get the cash assistance), and health insurance. In order for them to send the money to our landlord, we both have to spend 35 hours a week actively looking for work. They also told me that I needed to quit school, that it's not a priority. I was told that it would be better for me to work full time at a minimum wage job than to finish the last 2 months of school before graduation. The kicker is that we're only eligible for the cash and daycare assistance until the end of May anyway. I'm not sure how taking myself out of nursing school (jobs that start at more than $20 an hour) is more beneficial than quitting and setting myself up for needing continuing assistance from the county. Supporting myself = bad, taking a minimum wage job that will keep me dependent on assistance from the county = good?? It's so frustrating. So starting a few weeks ago, Kaleb goes to daycare 35 hours a week so Martin and I can look for work. Between us, Martin and I have a ton of applications out there, but so far neither of us has gotten a call back.
The not so good thing about getting this assistance is that in the 2 or 3 weeks that Kaleb has been in daycare, he's been healthy two of those days. One good thing about getting help is that we now have health insurance. Good thing, since Kaleb started to get worse this weekend, after having a cold that was getting no better for almost 2 weeks straight. Poor kid was wheezing, coughing so hard he was gagging, and so worn out all he wanted to do was sit around--SO not my boy. By the time he got up from his nap yesterday we decided we needed to take him in. Apparently it's a combination of croup, RSV, and general cold stuff. He got a dose of prednisone, a nebulizer treatment, and was sent home with a prescription for more neb treatments. If we didn't have insurance we wouldn't be able to afford all that. We're spending the day today trying to get Kaleb to rest, hoping he'll start feeling better. Right now I'm downstairs blogging (obviously), and about to lay down and try to get rid of this headache. I'll relieve Martin after nap time and hopefully he can get some rest too--we both caught the first cold Kaleb brought home a couple weeks ago, and it seems to be settling into Martin's chest.
I've already written about 3 times more than I intended to. I think I just needed to get some of this off my chest. If there are any readers out there reading this, could you please say a quick prayer (or 2) for my family? A couple things we definitely need prayers for are: our health as a family, and especially Kaleb's breathing; that we'll find work soon so that we won't be facing eviction or the loss of our car (necessary for Martin's paper routes); that we keep our sanity through all of this; that this time of struggle will bring us closer to each other and to God, instead of driving us apart. Thank you.
As I'm typing this, I realize not only how long it's been since I've blogged about my munchkin, but how long it's been since I took pictures of him. I've been feeling so down that some days it's hard enough getting my butt out of bed/off the couch to play with him; taking pictures hasn't even been on my radar. That needs to change. I want to remember this time. Not for the hardships we're experiencing, but for the amazing little boy Kaleb is becoming. He'll be 2 in a few months, and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. He's running everywhere, talking (adding new words by the day), and has been learning his letters. It's so cute. He wants to know what all the letters are on signs, shirts, newspapers, etc. So far he knows the capital letters A, I, Y, O, E, M and sometimes R. I had no idea he knew any letters until we were at the library a while back and I held up a foam letter Y and asked him what letter it was. He knew. I guess he's been paying attention as I name the letters on his blocks...
This is scary for me to put out there, because I know there are a lot of judgmental people out there, but I'm going to take the chance anyway. We had to go apply for public assistance through the county. It feels horribly degrading the way some people treat us once they know we're taking help from the county. So far that help includes cash assistance that goes right to our rent, food assistance, daycare assistance (which we have to use to get the cash assistance), and health insurance. In order for them to send the money to our landlord, we both have to spend 35 hours a week actively looking for work. They also told me that I needed to quit school, that it's not a priority. I was told that it would be better for me to work full time at a minimum wage job than to finish the last 2 months of school before graduation. The kicker is that we're only eligible for the cash and daycare assistance until the end of May anyway. I'm not sure how taking myself out of nursing school (jobs that start at more than $20 an hour) is more beneficial than quitting and setting myself up for needing continuing assistance from the county. Supporting myself = bad, taking a minimum wage job that will keep me dependent on assistance from the county = good?? It's so frustrating. So starting a few weeks ago, Kaleb goes to daycare 35 hours a week so Martin and I can look for work. Between us, Martin and I have a ton of applications out there, but so far neither of us has gotten a call back.
The not so good thing about getting this assistance is that in the 2 or 3 weeks that Kaleb has been in daycare, he's been healthy two of those days. One good thing about getting help is that we now have health insurance. Good thing, since Kaleb started to get worse this weekend, after having a cold that was getting no better for almost 2 weeks straight. Poor kid was wheezing, coughing so hard he was gagging, and so worn out all he wanted to do was sit around--SO not my boy. By the time he got up from his nap yesterday we decided we needed to take him in. Apparently it's a combination of croup, RSV, and general cold stuff. He got a dose of prednisone, a nebulizer treatment, and was sent home with a prescription for more neb treatments. If we didn't have insurance we wouldn't be able to afford all that. We're spending the day today trying to get Kaleb to rest, hoping he'll start feeling better. Right now I'm downstairs blogging (obviously), and about to lay down and try to get rid of this headache. I'll relieve Martin after nap time and hopefully he can get some rest too--we both caught the first cold Kaleb brought home a couple weeks ago, and it seems to be settling into Martin's chest.
I've already written about 3 times more than I intended to. I think I just needed to get some of this off my chest. If there are any readers out there reading this, could you please say a quick prayer (or 2) for my family? A couple things we definitely need prayers for are: our health as a family, and especially Kaleb's breathing; that we'll find work soon so that we won't be facing eviction or the loss of our car (necessary for Martin's paper routes); that we keep our sanity through all of this; that this time of struggle will bring us closer to each other and to God, instead of driving us apart. Thank you.
Friday, April 2, 2010
The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back
I haven't posted in over a month. I've tried, and I've had things to write about, but the combination of having so much school work this semester, and the way life has gotten in the way, I just haven't made this blog much of a priority.
It feels lately like nothing can go right. I've been struggling with school in a way I haven't since first semester. I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted all of the time. We found out that Martin is no longer eligible for unemployment, and it's just a matter of time before everything falls apart. I was just trying to focus on getting through the next couple months while being the best mommy I can be while finishing school so I can support us. Then last Saturday morning happened.
I was in the middle of a dream where I was trying to swim in a pool with a polar bear (a friendly one), but I couldn't stay above water. The harder I swam, the faster I sank. Right then Martin was shaking me awake saying "Becky, wake up, Dozer's dead." The words made no sense, and it took a while for me to make sense of what was happening. Dozer was our big boy kitty. He was seriously huge--not fat, just really large. When he walked next to me I could hold his tail without leaning even a little to the side. Kaleb loved laying on him like he was a big body pillow, and Dozer just put up with it. He was the sweetest kitty who's favorite thing in the world to do was take naps with me. He'd crawl under the blankets and curl up right next to me; when I was pregnant he'd lay next to me and knead my belly. Even though many people think pets are disposable, he was a big part of my life and is sadly missed.
What makes me the most angry about the whole situation is the way Dozer died. We have a big plastic food bin, and Dozer was constantly trying to open the lid and eat the food. After he dumped it and the cats ate all the food, we got a new, bigger bin for the dogs, and moved theirs downstairs for the cats. It had a handle that flipped up in order to unlock the lid. Dozer was always trying to push it open with his nose to get at the food, just like he could with the smaller one. Sometime that Friday afternoon, he succeeded. He got into the food bin, and one of the other cats must have jumped on the lid once it closed, which made the handle latch just enough that it locked. Poor Dozer was locked inside the airtight bin, and I was so out of it that day (it was a really bad day) that I never realized he was missing. It should've dawned on me when he didn't come up to try to scam some of Kaleb's dinner. Martin found him laying in the food bin the next morning when he went in to feed the cats.
It was such a senseless accident, and the danger of the food bin never dawned on me. It angers me that a pet supply company would design and sell a bin that had that danger as a possibility. It makes me so angry. Right away we checked the dogs' bin, and that one has a handle that secures from the bottom, so there's no way it can accidentally latch. To top it off, we don't have the money to properly dispose of poor Dozer. The vet needs $85 to have him cremated if we don't want the remains back, and $130 if we do. The only other advice they could give was to bury him. We rent--not sure the owners (or the homeowner's association for that matter) would appreciate that gesture. We're still over $300 short on our rent this month, so we definitely don't have that kind of money. So as creepy as it seems, we have Dozer wrapped up in a box inside a bag inside our big freezer until we can afford to have him properly taken care of.
I know in the grand scheme of things, the death of a pet is low on the list of things that could go wrong. It just seems like the past few years it's been one thing after another and if something does go right, it's not for very long. I'm really not trying to have a pity party here. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am, I'm just also tired of the number of things that have gone to crap.
I don't really have much else to write right now, and I have two papers that were due yesterday that I really should finish. It would suck to be kicked out of the program a month and a half away from graduation for something as dumb as not turning in some papers. Blah.
It feels lately like nothing can go right. I've been struggling with school in a way I haven't since first semester. I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted all of the time. We found out that Martin is no longer eligible for unemployment, and it's just a matter of time before everything falls apart. I was just trying to focus on getting through the next couple months while being the best mommy I can be while finishing school so I can support us. Then last Saturday morning happened.
I was in the middle of a dream where I was trying to swim in a pool with a polar bear (a friendly one), but I couldn't stay above water. The harder I swam, the faster I sank. Right then Martin was shaking me awake saying "Becky, wake up, Dozer's dead." The words made no sense, and it took a while for me to make sense of what was happening. Dozer was our big boy kitty. He was seriously huge--not fat, just really large. When he walked next to me I could hold his tail without leaning even a little to the side. Kaleb loved laying on him like he was a big body pillow, and Dozer just put up with it. He was the sweetest kitty who's favorite thing in the world to do was take naps with me. He'd crawl under the blankets and curl up right next to me; when I was pregnant he'd lay next to me and knead my belly. Even though many people think pets are disposable, he was a big part of my life and is sadly missed.
What makes me the most angry about the whole situation is the way Dozer died. We have a big plastic food bin, and Dozer was constantly trying to open the lid and eat the food. After he dumped it and the cats ate all the food, we got a new, bigger bin for the dogs, and moved theirs downstairs for the cats. It had a handle that flipped up in order to unlock the lid. Dozer was always trying to push it open with his nose to get at the food, just like he could with the smaller one. Sometime that Friday afternoon, he succeeded. He got into the food bin, and one of the other cats must have jumped on the lid once it closed, which made the handle latch just enough that it locked. Poor Dozer was locked inside the airtight bin, and I was so out of it that day (it was a really bad day) that I never realized he was missing. It should've dawned on me when he didn't come up to try to scam some of Kaleb's dinner. Martin found him laying in the food bin the next morning when he went in to feed the cats.
It was such a senseless accident, and the danger of the food bin never dawned on me. It angers me that a pet supply company would design and sell a bin that had that danger as a possibility. It makes me so angry. Right away we checked the dogs' bin, and that one has a handle that secures from the bottom, so there's no way it can accidentally latch. To top it off, we don't have the money to properly dispose of poor Dozer. The vet needs $85 to have him cremated if we don't want the remains back, and $130 if we do. The only other advice they could give was to bury him. We rent--not sure the owners (or the homeowner's association for that matter) would appreciate that gesture. We're still over $300 short on our rent this month, so we definitely don't have that kind of money. So as creepy as it seems, we have Dozer wrapped up in a box inside a bag inside our big freezer until we can afford to have him properly taken care of.
I know in the grand scheme of things, the death of a pet is low on the list of things that could go wrong. It just seems like the past few years it's been one thing after another and if something does go right, it's not for very long. I'm really not trying to have a pity party here. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am, I'm just also tired of the number of things that have gone to crap.
I don't really have much else to write right now, and I have two papers that were due yesterday that I really should finish. It would suck to be kicked out of the program a month and a half away from graduation for something as dumb as not turning in some papers. Blah.
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