Santa, take 2

We tried taking Kaleb to see Santa yesterday, but he wasn't having it. He was all smiley and giggling at other kids sitting on Santa's lap, but as soon as Martin set him down (after making friends with Santa first) he started to get teary eyed and was heading toward a mini-meltdown. I tried showing him how nice Santa is, and Santa even gave him a sucker, but it wasn't going to happen.

The little boy in front of us in line was a crying, sobbing mess, but his parents made him stay on Santa's lap. I'm not going to criticize anyone's parenting, or their choice to get pictures of their terrified child on Santa's lap, but it's just not worth it to me. Add to that the fact that my dad very closely resembles Santa (in fact there's a little girl my parents know who is convinced that my dad is Santa) and I'm afraid Kaleb might project that fear onto my dad. It happened with my cousin's daughter (who refused to even look at my dad at our family Christmas party after her Santa drama), and I guess it made me a little paranoid :)

The kicker of it all was when I was carrying Kaleb back over to where Martin was standing, an employee actually asked me if I was going to buy a package. Like somehow sitting on Santa's lap required a fee of (at least) $26 (yes, seriously, the smallest photo package was $26!). I told her I don't really want to spend almost thirty dollars to buy a picture of my son scared on Santa's lap.

I mean, really.

I think this post is starting to sound a little bit Grinch-y, and that was definitely not my intention... I blame it on my sinus infection and how yucky I'm feeling (which reminds me, can I just say how thankful I am to have found a doctor who deals only in cash? Doesn't work with insurance companies at all, only charges $36 for an office visit, and has a place that will run labs for reasonable? SO thankful. And thankful for Z-paks [thank you Pasteur and Koch])

So anyway, I'm glad Kaleb didn't completely freak out yesterday, and we still have a little Christmas shopping to do tomorrow so we're going to try a different mall and see if maybe a second helping of Santa lessens the anxiety a bit. Since we don't have a picture of Kaleb with Santa this year, here's a look at how last year's visit went:

Aaaaand this year:

Tonight we wrapped a bunch of presents, and now it's late. Martin's lying next to me and I keep getting big heavy sighs and the occasional toss-and-turn, so that probably means I should sign off... Hopefully I'll have a cute Kaleb and Santa picture to post tomorrow :)

Understanding the concept

"Sweetie, mama can't understand you with your nuk in your mouth. Can you take it out please?"

*takes out nuk* "ah bah bah ish nder?" *puts nuk back in*

"Oh really?"

What else can I say? I generally can't understand half of what he says, but at least he's getting the idea down right? I just don't tell him that I have no idea what he's babbling about. Unless it seems like there's something he's trying to tell me, then we usually get it figured out.

My Munchkin

You know, I thought that being on break would lend itself well to the whole blogging concept. Lots of free time, no need to procrastinate, and being able to log onto the computer out of pleasure, not necessity should provide plenty of opportunities for blogging, right?

Yeah, that's what I thought too. Turns out I was wrong. The reasons above? Well I do have lots of free time...that I'd rather spend playing with Kaleb. I have no reason to procrastinate...therefore I spend less time messing around on the computer. And as for logging on for fun instead of drudgery? Well see reason number one for that answer. Why log on at all when there are munchkins to be tickled, and cars to be raced?

So I've been MIA for a little while. My last two posts I actually scheduled, so technically I've been off of Blogger for going on a week now. And I'm starting to go through a little withdrawal :)

I was planning to get some posts started today, but that idea went right out the window when Kaleb woke up with the worst diaper rash he's ever had.
And he's had some doozies letmetellyou. On top of that, he and I are both battling nasty colds so he spent most of the day cuddling with me (loved it!).

My poor baby had such a sore butt that he literally did not sit down all day. He either stood, leaned against me, or laid on his tummy all day. Poor kid. I felt so bad for him. One of the worst things about being a mommy (IMHO) is not being able to fix whatever's wrong, and make your baby feel better. Seeing him cry in pain just from changing a diaper is enough to make me cry!

On a good note, though, Kaleb's verbal skills are improving by leaps and bounds almost daily. He understands so much, but I was starting to worry about how little he was verbalizing. I shouldn't've worried, apparently. He's spouting off new words (unfortunately one of them today was 'ow') and starting to put two words together ('mama ball?' usually means he threw his ball down the stairs and wants me to go get it, and 'uh-oh nooo' usually means I need to go check out the damage).

Today he was obsessed with the refrigerator. "Ball?" he'd ask. I can assure you there was not a ball in there. There was, however, a round red tomato. There's no convincing him, however. Later today there was a bowl full of white balls in there (or as we adults call them, hardboiled eggs), and that's what he kept asking for.

"Ball?"

"Honey, that's not a ball, it's an egg...would you like an egg?"

"Ball?"

"Sweetie, it's not a...*sigh* do you want a ball?"

"Haaa" (with a big smile and the sign for please--means yes)

At least he's got the concept down, right?

Don't cry over spilled tater tots

In my last post, I was writing about how uncertain I am about how to be the best parent to Kaleb. I want to parent him lovingly and effectively, without overindulging or smothering.

This idea has been nagging me for a while, and it only grows as Kaleb does. Now that he's more mobile, and more aware of cause and effect, and is pushing limits (because that's what he's supposed to do at this age), I worry that I'm going to default to the way I was raised. With the yelling, and the controlling, and the making big deals out of little things. I believe that being conscious of that fear is an important step, but I feel the need to be more proactive with it. Never more so than after dinner Saturday night.
 I spent most of the day working on a final paper due for school. I went upstairs to make dinner, and while I was working on the sloppy joes Martin got tater tots out of the freezer and put them on a cookie sheet on the counter. He set the oven to preheat and went back into the living room. During this time Kaleb was wandering around with his latest favorite toy. The broom.


Yes, the broom.


He's so cute walking around sweeping everything he can. He holds the very end of the broom handle and pushes it around in front of him. Adorable.


So I got the sloppy joes going, the oven was preheating, the boys were all in the living room, and I had to run back downstairs to the family room to check an email I knew had come in. Suddenly I heard what sounded like a bunch of marbles hit the floor. I knew right away what it was, but not what caused it (it's sometimes hard to tell around here, what with a sometimes klutzy teenager, a toddler, six cats, and two dogs).


I ran upstairs and got to the kitchen the same time Martin finally walked over from the living room. On my way up the stairs I heard Kaleb saying "Ooooh" which is his "uh-oh" that usually means he did something. When I walked into the kitchen I see the broom on the floor...along with a cookie sheet and frozen tater tots. My poor baby knew that what had happened wasn't a good thing, and I could tell he was upset, but I was also sure he didn't intend to knock the tray on the floor.


Martin right away got upset and I could tell he was going to start yelling. Over tater tots. Tater tots! The whole 5lb bag cost $5, and we were down to the last 2 servings so it's not like Kaleb knocked a ming vase off the counter. It was a cookie sheet of tater tots. Add to that the fact that I'm sure it was an accident, and I don't see the good that could come from making a 16 month old feel terrible about accidentally knocking something off the counter.


Normally I would just let Martin yell and get upset and just stay out of the way until he decided to calm down and act rationally. But when I walked in and saw the look in our son's eyes it broke my heart. What I saw in those little brown eyes was that he knew he knocked the cookie sheet down, he knew that it wasn't a good thing that had happened, and he already felt badly. He saw Martin getting worked up and was getting ready to start crying. I stepped in, told him it was ok, I knew it was an accident, that we'd clean it up and everything would be ok. He helped me clean up the mess, and everything was fine. It got me thinking though...


What about down the road when it's not a situation as simple as tater tots accidentally knocked off the counter? How will I handle it when he starts acting purposefully defiant (which he will--he got a double dose of stubborn, like my best friend likes to say), or when he starts pushing limits even more? How do I parent him without controlling him, without screwing him up, and without ever making him feel like he's worthless for making the mistakes that he will make--that we all do? How do I get Martin on board so Kaleb has consistency?


The short answer is: I don't know.


But I'm determined, and on a mission to figure it out. I have a few ideas, and a few resources that were suggested, so I'm going to check them out. You can be sure you'll hear about my (our) progress :)

For now, though, I'm off. I'm ready to be finished with school for a while (a whole month!!), and to have time to just breathe again.

Cute pictures coming soon :D

Mad skills

Parenting skills, that is.

There have been many times since learning that I was pregnant with Kaleb (and before that, even) that I wondered if I would be a good mother. I mean I love kids, and obviously love my son, and know that I wouldn't do anything to hurt him intentionally (or try to screw him up). But I feel like at some point most parents seem to default, in some way, back the the parenting style they were raised with.

That idea doesn't sit well with me. I was raised by an abusive mother. When my brother and I were little it was more physical abuse, and as we got older (after she was forced to leave our home under the threat of losing custody) it became more verbal and emotional. I grew up with lots of yelling--that seemed to be the norm in my house. Yelling and swearing.

Big things, little things, everything that my mom saw as wrong or irritating or whatever was met with yelling and put-downs and all the rest. Thankfully my mom was able to change (after some strong boundary setting on my part and hard work on hers) and we now have a good relationship. I've forgiven her and we've moved on. I completely trust when she and my dad take Kaleb for the weekend that he is in nothing but good, loving hands. I only bring this up to provide a little background.

So that's where I'm coming from. Martin comes from a home that was led by a single mom who worked 2-3 jobs at a time to support the family. Martin was largely raised by his two older siblings (six and seven years older than he), and then was pretty much on his own from junior high on. He didn't have a mother there to parent him all the time, and definitely made a lot of bad choices he might otherwise not have made.

I don't say this to put Martin's mom down--she did the best she could with what she had, and I admire how hard of a worker she is. She has said many times that she regrets many of the parenting decisions that she made at the time. But we all know you can't go back, so there is no choice but to move forward. I feel like Martin is a good father, but there are areas where I really don't agree with how he handles things. 

I somehow turned out ok, but I wonder how to be a good parent to Kaleb and teach him all the things I somehow learned in spite of the control tactics, yelling, screaming, etc. I want him to grow up knowing beyond a doubt that he is loved no matter what he does, but I also want him to grow up to be a strong, trustworthy, righteous man.

This is getting to be a little long, so I think I will leave the how I will go about doing that for another post. Stay tuned...

Me? Procrastinate? Never.

Because we all know I don't procrastinate... Never!

So it's the middle of the night, and I should be studying. Well, I really should be sleeping, but I procrastinated writing my final paper for Ethics, and put off studying much for my theory final and Ethics final that are both on Monday. So I've been sitting on the couch for most of the day, laptop in lap, writing my stupid Ethics paper.

And yes, it is as exciting as it sounds...

What would one write if they were to write an Ethics paper, you ask? Ok, so you didn't ask, but I'll tell you anyway. Our instructor gave us a few scenarios to choose from, or we could pick our own ethical dilemma (but really, who has the brain power for that so near the end of the semester? I mean, really), then we have to argue for whatever side we choose to take on that dilemma, and support it with at least two of the theories we studied this semester.

Ok. I should not be writing anything. Did you read that last run on sentence? I should not be left unsupervised right now...

So the scenario I chose was that I have to pick between saving the life of one child or 100 adults. I cannot choose both. Whichever I don't choose will die. I know a few people picked that same topic, and most picked that they would choose to save the 100 adults. This goes back to a principle proposed by John Stuart Mill among others, of utilitarianism. Basically, the more ethical choice is the one that brings about the greatest good to the greatest number of people.

Based on that, it would seem logical to save the 100. After all, 100 is more than one, thereby fulfilling the basic premise of the theory, right?

Well, yeah, probably. But I chose to go one step further and say that I would not choose to save the 100 adults. I also would not choose the one child. Strictly using the view supported by Mill it would seem that saving the 100 adults would bring the greatest good to the greatest number of people. After all, 100 people would get to keep their lives.

But what if those 100 adults were people who were chosen specifically for the fact that they have no living relatives, and no other social relationships? And what if the one child had a large extended family (think Duggar sized), with strong social ties. Letting the 100 adults perish would affect 100 people. Choosing to let the child die could affect many more than that.

And now I have officially blogged more about my paper than I've actually written...

On that note, I leave to finish my outline that's also due (because apparently this is elementary school english class, not a college level Ethics class), and to throw some more of my paper together.

Sorry this wasn't the most interesting post. I will be returning to the regularly scheduled broadcast posting (and munchkin cuteness of course) shortly.


P.S. Speaking of the Duggars, if you haven't heard, Michelle Duggar gave birth to her 19th child this week. Baby Josie was born prematurely, and is currently in the NICU. No matter what your thoughts on the size of their family, please take a moment to say a prayer (or send positive thoughts, or do whatever you do) for the Duggar family and their new baby girl.

Wordless Wednesday

Kaleb and his daddy

Kaleb loves his daddy. I love to see the two of them together (although i have to frequently remind Martin that Kaleb will do things just to be like daddy). It's hard to get pictures of them together, though, because Martin usually hides when I bring the camera out.

Kaleb has started giving a big cheesy grin when I aim the camera (or my phone) at him. Is that a sign I've been taking too many pictures?

Nah.

Anyway, the other day I was able to get a couple pictures of Kaleb playing with Martin.

Here Kaleb is attempting to trade his nuk for a sip of daddy's strawberry shake:

Score!!

The Steamroll

I wanted to put some pictures up, but sadly realized that the last time I took pictures of the munchkin was on Halloween. I'll have to get on that.

When Kaleb was younger, he started doing this thing where he would give you a hug, then a kiss, then he would put his shoulder into you and roll over you. We started calling it the steamroll. He doesn't do it as much anymore, unless we ask him too. Sad, but I guess it would be awkward if he greeted his first school friends with a steamroll. Although he did try to steamroll a kid at the library about a month ago. I was torn between laughing because it was cute and funny, and telling him to stop because we shouldn't steamroll people we don't know. I opted for the latter, but it would have been funny :)

So I present to you the steamroll:

That's my munchkin :)

Updates

I don't really have much to write about today. My brain is mush after two days of OB clinicals. I did get to be in the OR during a C-section, though, so that was pretty dang cool. And I got to sit and cuddle a one day old baby while mom took a shower (the hospital we were at doesn't have a healthy newborn nursery). That was awesome. And did nothing to cool my baby fever...

Since I don't have much of substance to write about, I thought I'd just do a jumble of cute (I think) Kaleb updates.

We've been working forever with him on body parts. Usually, though, if I ask him to point to something he'll just giggle at me. The other day though, Martin asked him to point to his nose, and he did. So we decided to see how much he had really picked up. So far he knows nose, ears, eyes, mouth, teeth, tongue, feet, fingers, and head. He's so proud of himself too, it's adorable.

Kaleb's new favorite thing is throwing his diaper in the garbage after he gets changed. The first time we asked him to do it (jokingly) he picked it up, toddled over to the trash, tossed it in, and looked to see our reactions. We clapped and told him how well he did, so now he'll throw it away, then start clapping for himself. Unfortunately we've had to start doing frequent trash can checks for things that shouldn't be in there...

My parents took Kaleb from Thanksgiving day until Sunday. He was nearly inconsolable when they left to go home after dropping him off. I love that he loves his namma and papa so much.

There are more updates, but I think I'll add them to another post at a later date. It's almost time for the munchkin to wake up from his nap.

Over the river and through the woods....

...to Grandmother's house we go.

A tea party with Lilly:

Getting ready for bed:

Favorite bedtime story:

His stubborn face lol:

Snack time:

Watching Papa set up Thomas to ride on. Not a fan, apparently. They got him on for one time around the track and he was done:

Just love his face in this one. And I love that his favorite toys are still books:

Thanks Giving

I have so many things to give thanks for this year. My family and I are (relatively) healthy, I'm in school and able to work towards a career I'm loving more every day, I'm close with my family and have plenty of friends to rely on in good and bad times. My life is no where near perfect, or even where I would like it to be right now, but I'm working on it. I know that life is a journey, not a destination, and I've had many detours so far. It's ok, though, it makes me who I am. 

We had a good Thanksgiving this year, for the most part. We ended up with entirely too much food, but the leftovers are being put to good use. We had a big turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and homemade gravy, french onion and green bean casserole, cheesy potato bake, Hawaiian rolls, sweet potatoes with marshmallows, and homemade cranberry sauce. It was a busy day to say the least. I had my mom there to help me juggle everything, so it all went pretty smoothly.

I feel like I can't focus tonight... My parents took Kaleb back with them on Thursday night. My mom was going to meet me tomorrow night to hand him back off, but they decided to bring him back today instead. My dad bought a new truck (well to him--I hardly call 237,000 miles new) on Saturday and they have to get some paperwork done on that tomorrow, so they brought him today.

Poor little munchkin bawled his eyes out when they left. He was brave and waved bye-bye when they were getting ready to leave, but once they walked out the door and left for real he lost it. I felt bad, but I love that he loves his Namma and Papa so much.

I always miss my boy when he's gone, but I know he has a good time, and this visit my parents had my niece Lilly too, and those two are the best little friends it's adorable. It was kind of nice to have a few munchkin free days too. I got up early (1:30 early) to help Martin with the paper routes, then we called and woke his mom up. He and I ran to Old Navy ($5 fleeces!!!) then back to pick his mom up, then to Kohl's. After Kohl's we decided we were in the shopping mood and checked out Wal-Mart, Best Buy and Target. While I can't say we contributed much to the economy, it was fun to get out and do something spontaneous for a change :)

Later in the afternoon we took Martin's mom to see a movie. She chose The Blind Side, and if you haven't seen it, I think you should. It was a long day, and I was in bed and snoring (according to Martin, but I think he exaggerates) by 9:30 that night. A full night of sleep felt fantastic! Saturday we decided to make the trek out to IKEA and brought Martin's mom along again since she'd never been. She claims she's sick of us now.


I don't have much else to write for now--I've been fighting a headache all day and I'm afraid it's going into migraine mode. It's really hard to concentrate and focus, which is unfortunate since I still have a ton of homework to do tonight. Martin's been entertaining the munchkin and now it's dinner time, so off I go.

Baby Fever

Working L&D (labor and delivery) and post partum, even just one day, has given me a severe case of baby fever.

That is all.




P.S. I have plans to catch up (writing, that is) later this week.

Never trust sparkly candy

That's about it. That's all I have today. The Twilight Sweetarts? Not so good. New Moon? Much better than the candy, not as good as the book. Moving on...

Had a test today, didn't do so well. Probably would've done much better if I'd studied just a little bit more. Oh well.

Been getting ready for OB clinicals in the morning. I'm not looking forward to it. From what I've heard it's a lot of shadowing and standing around and not much else. And that's about that.

Kaleb? Cute as ever! He's been cracking us up all day and I love that side of him.

Martin? I'd like to kick in the...

Let's just say I'm irritated. Ok, that's putting it mildly, but there really just aren't words right now. I found something today that threw my whole day into chaos in my brain, and I just don't have the energy to deal with it right now. Not trying to be elusive, but I'm just exhausted and don't have the emotional or logical brain power to dedicate to him and his BS right now.

And that's my day. I'm crabby, angry, disappointed and exhausted. And if he gets one more text I swear to God in heaven I'm going to grab his phone and chuck it across the room...

Sorry I don't have more cheerful things to write about right now, but I'll be working on catching up this week, and maybe I can get Kaleb dressed up like a turkey.

Ok, probably not, but the thought brings a smile to my face :)

A surprise ruined?

I think I've mentioned in a previous post that when I was pregnant with Kaleb I didn't want to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl. I really wanted it to be a surprise, because I feel like there are so few truly good surprises left in our world. Martin felt the complete opposite way, however, and really wanted to know what we were expecting. I was scheduled for a scan and it ended up being right around the 16 week mark, so we were told we might be able to see if the baby was a boy or a girl.

Being the reasonable and rational person that I am (even though he so didn't deserve it at the time, but that's a whole other post I'm not sure I'm brave enough to write), I agreed that he could learn the sex of the baby as long as he swore on everything holy that he wouldn't ruin the surprise for me. So while we were in the ultrasound room I explained the situation to the US tech, and she admitted she hadn't really dealt with a situation like that--it's usually one or the other, with both parents in agreement.

The tech wasn't sure how to handle it without violating HIPPA, even though I was perfectly fine with it. As the scan progressed, I started wavering, thinking maybe I did want to know right then instead of waiting, and that would make the situation easier too, since the tech wouldn't have to figure out how to break the law without actually having to do so.

Thankfully, Martin convinced the tech that I didn't really want to know, that it was probably my people pleasing side coming out, and I would be remorseful later if I gave into my current curiosity. He was right. There I said it, Martin was right, but he'll never know because he doesn't know this blog exists ;) Anyway. We finally determined the best way to go about the process would be for the tech to write her educated guess (they can never be 100% sure) on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope, and give it to me to do with as I pleased. She gave me the envelope and Martin grabbed it from me to take with him to work so I wouldn't be tempted to peek.

Martin did amazingly well at keeping the secret from me (which as things turned out shouldn't've been such a big surprise given all the other secrets he was keeping at the time...which is also part of the post I'm not brave enough to write...), and I never had a clue what we were having.

I was a high risk pregnancy because of some past history of DVTs. Pregnancy is a high risk time for any woman to develop a DVT, and my past medical history increased that risk to a dangerous level. So since I was considered high risk I was referred to a perinatologist early in my pregnancy at a high risk clinic, and had pretty frequent appointments. At every appointment the first thing the nurse would do was perform an ultrasound to make sure everything was where it should be. I'm sure you can see where this is going...

So fast forward from that 16 week ultrasound to about seven months into my pregnancy. I was in for one of my normal biweekly appointments, hopped up on the table, let the nurse squeeze the icky gel on my tummy, all the while chatting away with her like I usually did with the nurses there. She started the scan, showed me where my cervix was and how it looked, showed me baby's heartbeat, that he was in the head down position, moved over a bit and said "and there's his little boy parts," and went about her merry way.

I didn't even know what to say. I honestly went through the rest of that appointment in a fog. I didn't know whether to be upset or happy or just plain pissed off. I never mentioned to anyone there what had happened (until a few weeks later) because I didn't want the nurse to feel bad about giving anything away.

I didn't want her to feel bad. See how I am?

When I got out of the office I sent Martin a text telling him what happened. He didn't believe me at first, and thought I was just trying to get out of him what we were having. I then reminded him that I'm the patient, and if I wanted to know all I had to do was ask at any of my appointments. Then he believed me and felt horrible for me because I was really into the idea of our baby being a surprise and for Martin to be the one to tell me in the delivery room.

But I was thrilled we were having a boy, because I've always wanted to be mommy to a little boy, and Kaleb is my dream come true :)

In the weeks following that, we still kept a secret about what we were having from most people. I told my best friend Laura, my mom wanted to know (but my dad didn't which made things really interesting around there for a while--my mom still bought girl clothes to throw my dad off if he looked in bags, we'd refer to the baby alternately as he or she, it got to be kind of a running joke), and Alyssa wanted to know but Anthony didn't, which also made things interesting around our house, and Martin told his mom.

At first I was pretty upset the surprise had been ruined, but now I feel like it just adds to the story and I have one more thing to tell Kaleb when he gets older about his birth story.

Love that boy :)

Procrastination pays off

I've always loved psychology. I think it's so very interesting how the human mind works, and the various factors that play into personality and behavior and all that fun stuff. One thing that has always stuck in my head for one reason or another is the conditioning and training methods. Things like positive reinforcement vs. punishment and those kinds of things.

I've always wondered if part of the reason I procrastinate so much is that I tend to work better under pressure. Or I guess it could be because even when I procrastinate, and put even large projects off (big huge papers, perhaps) I still tend to do well enough that I don't see the point in starting earlier or putting a ton more effort in the next time around.

Take for instance, the actual big huge paper I turned in at the end of last month. Turned out to be about 30 some pages, and I ended up staying up all night the night before it was due to finish it. The end result? An A. But not just any A.

A 100% A.

I'm so dang happy, but I also recognize that the flip side is that I just received a reward (a 100%) for putting that paper off the way I did. As has been happening most of my life.

Not really sure that there's a moral to this story, and I apologize for how disjointed my thoughts may seem today. I'm so very tired, this cold has been making sleep difficult to come by, and I think my thyroid levels might be a little off. So I guess I'll leave you with this:

New Moon opens tonight, a couple girlfriends and I have tickets to the midnight showing, and I'm as giddy as a little school girl to go see it. And to eat the Sweetarts I bought that are Twilight themed.

They even sparkle :)

The one in which I procrastinate

Because procrastination is something I never do. If by never I mean it's one of my favorite endeavors...

Anyway. MckMama posted a photoshop tutorial, so naturally, since I'm supposed to be catching up on some online ethics discussions, I thought I'd give it a try and see what happens. Here's a little monkey montage: 

Hmmmmm. What do you think? I ran into a couple snags working in photoshop. I picked three pictures I didn't think needed editing before I threw them together, but when I opened the first picture in the editor it showed the dimensions as 55 inches by 30 some inches. Huh? Then after I resized the canvas it wouldn't let me move the little side pictures, it kept popping up an error message saying they couldn't be moved because the result would be too big. I was able to fix that by decreasing the size of my canvas. I don't really understand how I did what I did, but it seemed to work out reasonably well, so we'll leave it at that :)

Ok, that's enough procrastinating for me for now. It's late and I have literally hundreds of discussion postings to sift through as well as post my own. So now I move on to answering how Pragmatism would respond to the idea of universal healthcare, as well as my take on Islamic and Hindu ethics. Blech.

Edited: Ok, so when I view my post in a new window, you know in the actual way a person would see it if they looked at my blog (that's a pretty big if too), the picture appears as if it has a little frame around it. Is that normal? How can I make it look seamless? All right, now I'll stop procratinating :)

Editing the edit: So it appears that all my pictures show up with that little framey thing around it. Still wondering if there's a way to make that disappear. And apparently still procrastinating...and making up words (framey Becky? really?).

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine...

...and he shall be my Squishy.

I was on the BlogFrog a while back, and there was a thread asking for favorite boy names for someone who was expecting but having trouble finding names she liked. A boy name was something we picked out easily (after a few back and forths and vetoes...), but if we'd had a girl there might've been trouble. Even though the decision was easy, there was a little trickery involved in getting Martin to agree.

It's not as bad as it might sound, honestly. I would not want to deceive someone about something as important as our child's name. But there's still a story here.

A few years ago (it was fall of 2006, I believe), Martin and I went to see the movie The Covenant. It was a so-so movie, but one of the lead characters was named Caleb. I'd heard the name before and always liked it, and during the movie Martin leaned over to me and said "I like Caleb for a boy's name" (this was before we had decided to try for a baby). I said I liked it too, and that was the last we talked about it. Until I got pregnant.

Early on in the pregnancy when we were just kind of throwing name ideas around I mentioned Caleb and Martin vetoed it. I was a little disappointed because I still really liked that name. I let it go for the time being, and we moved on through hundreds (I'm sure!) of names. On a side note, I didn't want to find out the sex of the baby, but Martin did. The ultrasound tech wrote her finding on a sheet of paper and sealed it in an envelope. Martin took it with him to work, looked at it, and never told a soul what he had read on the paper.

But I digress....

SO. One night later on in the pregnancy I had gotten home from a shift at the nursing home, and was getting ready for a shift at the cleaning job I had with the Dept. of Transportation (MnDOT). I saw on TV that the movie The Covenant was on later that afternoon on one of the movie channels. I "casually" mentioned this to Martin and reminded him how much we liked that movie when we had seen it in the theater (ok, so I stretched the truth a bit...). A couple hours later I get a text while at work.

Martin: How about Caleb??
Me: I like that name!!

I called Martin and said something to the effect that Caleb is a name that keeps coming up so why don't we just stick with that since it's the only one we really agreed on. Martin agreed, and so it was to be. We shall call him Kaleb....

Oh. And the spelling? We really weren't trying for anything trendy, I like the name spelled with a "C" just fine. But since I had semi-tricked Martin into the name I wanted, I let him pick the middle name (while maintaining veto rights of course). Martin really liked the name Christian for a middle name, and we didn't want his initials to be C.C., so he became Kaleb Christian. 

And yes, I have since confessed to Martin how Kaleb really came about as the top choice for our boy's name. He thought it a little sneaky, but agreed that our boy's name suits him well and he'd have it no other way.

House Full of Sickies

It's been a rough couple of weeks around here. Kaleb's finally feeling better (thanks in large part to the Tamiflu!), but last Saturday Martin got hit by the same bug. It seems most likely that both of them had H1N1. They both had flu-like symptoms and the seasonal flu hasn't hit yet. I didn't get sick like them, and I received my H1N1 vaccine at the end of October.

Even though I didn't get the same thing that was floating around our house, I did manage to still pick up a virus somewhere. I woke up Thursday feeling kinda cruddy like I was getting a cold. Friday morning my throat hurt (not raw/sore, but achey like it was swollen inside), and the glands in my neck were so swollen you couldn't see that I had a jaw. It was a hot look, let me tell you.... I was worried I might have strep throat, so I called around and found a doctor who charges on a fee-for-service basis. He doesn't work with insurance at all. And since we don't have insurance anyway, it seemed like we had very few options: that or a minute clinic, and the independent guy's rates were cheaper.

Since Martin was still feeling really under the weather and still had a bad cough, we made an appointment for him too. Three hours, two office visits, a (negative) rapid strep test, and $81 later we were heading to Target to get Martin's antibiotic prescription for the bronchitis he's developed. It was a fun day let me tell ya. And now my cold has settled in my head and I'm hoping I don't develop a sinus infection :( 

With both Martin and I feeling so under the weather, and the munchkin finally feeling better, it was just too much. We couldn't keep up with him. Thankfully my parents agreed to take Kaleb for the weekend so we could rest. Lifesavers the two of them!! So Friday evening we loaded up the munchkin and drove little over an hour to meet my mom halfway, then drove the hour back and crashed in bed for most of the rest of the weekend.

So that's been our life the past week or so. Wish I had something interesting to write about, but I've got nothing. I'll try to come up with more interesting posts in the near future :)

For now, I'm off to bed to hopefully get a decent night's sleep to start another busy week off on the right foot.

Drunken (off of sugar) Monkey

'Nuff said.

My Little Monkey

I've been wanting to write for a while, just haven't had the time (seems to be a recurring theme around here).

So I finished my big huge paper, and the smaller one that was due the next night. I did well on my most recent test and have been having not a horrible time with school. Still so busy it makes me want to scream sometimes, but what can ya do?

The munchkin got sick again. Not quite sure what's going on with him. He had a little bit of a cough Wednesday night. Then yesterday morning I was just about ready to walk out the door to school when Martin casually mentioned that Kaleb felt really hot. Took his temp and it was 102.3 axiallary, which means about a 104 if I had taken it rectally. Not good. And boy, was he miserable! Gave him some Tylenol and lots of cuddles. Alternated Tylenol and Motrin for the day and got a new thermometer. He still never got lower than 102 or so. The cough has gotten worse, but his fever is gone. If it wasn't down significantly this morning I was going to call the Dr. Now tonight his fever is pretty much gone, but that horrible cough isn't. It was starting to sound a little wheezy, kind of like bronchitis was setting in so we'll definitely be keeping a close eye on that.

Poor baby.

In other news, Halloween this year was a little disappointing. We never got around to buying pumpkins to carve, we didn't get a single trick-or-treater, and we didn't get to take the munchkin out. We had the day all planned out: Martin's mom was going to take the munchkin for the day so I could study for Monday's test, we were going to pick him up around 4-ish and take him around Martin's mom's building and to a couple neighbor's houses for some treats, then Martin was going to go to work. Late Friday night Martin's older daughter called to say she and 6 or 7 of her friends would be coming by Saturday afternoon from out of town for dinner. So other plans got pushed to the side and it was a little disappointing. It wouldn't have been bad at all on any other day, but it was irritating to me that the munchkin didn't even get a Halloween because of it. It's doubly irritating when said daughter has decided at some point in the last year that I'm not worth the time in her world to acknowledge, let alone be less than rude to. Apparently I'm not good enough for her and her (recently found) high and mighty ways. Ok, rant over.

So even though the munchkin didn't get to go out on Halloween, I decided that his costume for the night should be recorded for posterity's sake :) So without further delay, here's my little monkey man:

Chilling with mommy at the end of the day

Enjoying his first candy. Ever. Kid can now spot a sucker from 30 yards out:

That's about all, I have a few other pictures, and one I must share, but it deserves its own post :)

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

First off I should probably start by saying this is not going to be an unusually short post since I most certainly didn't procrastinate my days away last week instead of working on my Big Huge Paper that wasn't due this morning at 9 o'clock. Which also means that there was no way on the face of God's white brown green earth that I stayed up all night long to finish it. All. Night. Long. Nope! Not me! I finished it last week like a good little student. I did that, which means that I haven't been up for......oh, going on 28 hours now.

28 hours.

I also didn't fall asleep sitting straight up during lecture this morning.

As for my other shining moments this past week? Let's see. I didn't add to my procrastination on Saturday by taking advantage of the offer of some munchkin watching to go to a movie with Martin. Again, I wouldn't do that, I had a 20 (make that 25) page paper due this morning. It would be crazy to have fun on the weekend. And then go get coffee. Moosed cuz I was just that wide awake. And then proceed to take a two hour nap upon arriving home.

I also did not have two more cups of coffee from the reindeer place yesterday because they goofed on the first one, made me the second, and gave me both. Moosed. I didn't drink them both (larges) in a matter of 6 hours or so. That would be crazy and probably get me singing strange songs, and giggling at strange words (like delerious. seriously. it's funny--say it. go ahead, you know you want to...deleeeeerious. No I am NOT!).

Oh, and before the coffee incident, we didn't go to Perkins for brunch because we were both just lazy and wanting professionally made breakfast food. While waiting for said food, we most certainly did not open a sugar packet and teach encourage let the munchkin dip his finger into the packet and lick the sugary stickiness off that adorably chubby little finger. I mean ugly skinny finger? I mean.....

Alrighty, that must mean it's not time for me to pack it up and head on home so I can stay awake for the rest of the day doing prep work for sim lab tomorrow.

Deleeeeeerious...

Domestic Goddess...

...I am not!! Not even close. Sure, I can keep up with the laundry (usually), and I spend time when I can planning meals, experimenting cooking, and cleaning (ok, not as much as I should). But sometimes I wish I had the time to really throw myself into the whole SAHM thing. Maybe it's a stereotype that I shouldn't box myself into, but I would love to spend my days playing with and teaching the munchkin, keeping up on domestic chores, running errands, sewing (I own a sewing machine that has never been used!) and making yummy, delicious meals and treats. I guess if all I did (all I did, as if everything that a SAHM does is so easy and irrelevant--definitely not how I meant it) was stay home with Kaleb I could more easily throw myself into the Donna Reed-ish role I have in my head.

But I'm not a run of the mill SAHM. I'm also a full time student. I started nursing school when my son was six weeks old. I was still exhausted with a baby that was waking up to eat every four hours. He hadn't yet gotten to the point of having long stretches of alert time yet. Everyone in my class thought I was crazy (I probably was a little bit, between sleep deprivation, trying to find time and places to pump at school, and post-partum depression) but I was determined to make it work.

I honestly don't know how I made it through that first semester. With the help of God and a wonderful support system I made it on to the second semester. Second semester pretty much flew by, and with the exception of all night clinical prep sessions I made it through with my sanity mostly intact.

Then came summer. Oh wonderful summer, how I miss thee! I had such big plans for the munchkin and I. Some expectations were met, others not so much, but I'd go back in a heartbeat. We joined a fabulous morning program at a local water park, made trips to Lifetime for water aerobics (well, I did, the munchkin played in the child care center), splashed in the kiddie pool, went for walks and took trips to the park. But I still felt exhausted from the stress of school and never really found a good balancing act between house work and play time with Kaleb. I felt like I had missed out on so much during school that I just wanted to focus on soaking as much munchkin time up as possible.

Before I knew it school was starting again, and suddenly I feel like I'm right back to that place I was in during first semester. In some ways it's easier with Kaleb being a year older, other ways it's so much harder. Once I walk in the door from school it's full-on mommy mode until bedtime. Then I usually end up working on school stuff until at least 1 o'clock in the morning, don't get enough sleep and end up exhausted in the morning. I shouldn't complain because I'm lucky to be in this program (there were 700+ applicants for 100 spots), and I'm doing what's best for my family. But I still feel a little sad.

Back when I started this blog (just a few months ago) Martin had just lost his job. We were scared and the future was uncertain. However, things couldn't have worked more in our favor, and I truly believe God's hand was in the whole situation. Having Martin home has been the best thing for our family. Kaleb gets to spend one on one time with his daddy, and they've never been closer. Martin is so much more relaxed than when he was in the bad situation at work, and both of us get to be with our son most of the day, every day. I should be so thankful for that.

I should be more thankful. But I'm a little ashamed to admit that I'm jealous. Jealous and sad. I want to be the one spending my whole day with Kaleb. I feel horrible even admitting that, because I'm sure there are families who would love to be able to have one parent home all day long, but can't. It shouldn't, but it hurts a little when Kaleb wants daddy, not mommy, to bring him into his room for a nap. Or when I do something the "wrong" way because Kaleb and daddy do it a different way that I'm not familiar with because I'm not home.

I hate that I sound so selfish. I need to snap out of it and just be thankful that I've been able to spend as much time with him as I have--much more than if I had to work full time. I guess I just needed to vent a little.

So as much as I would love to be able to claim domestic goddess status, part of me doesn't care that my house isn't always presentable spotless, my dinners aren't always slaved over (thank you McDonald's), our laundry is frequently in some stage of unwashed/washed but not dried/dried but not folded/folded but not put away, and my sewing machine has never been used. Because when my son is older it will be the pictures and stories of him that I pass down that are important, not how wonderful of a housekeeper I was.

You know, stories like how he tried to give the water a hug at the zero depth pool this summer, how he tried to steamroll a little boy at the library, how he walks all the way across the living room with his mouth wide open to give daddy a kiss before nap time, and how he tracked down his own fork so he could help himself to some of daddy's spaghetti at lunch today.

And when Kaleb is grown with a family of his own, I will remember how thankful I was to be around during the day for moments like these:

Woo Hooooo!!!

I've been trying to behave the last couple days to really put a dent in my BHP (big huge paper) that's due on Monday (5 pages down, 10 to go...). I have a post saved that I've been trying to find time to finish and publish, but that will have to wait another day or so.

So why the excitement? It certainly isn't over the paper I'm currently slaving over. Well not currently as in this moment, since I'm obviously typing this instead of the BHP, but I am in the school library taking a break from said BHP. The "woo hoo" is because something that almost never happens to me has, in fact, happened. I won!! I actually won something! I contributed to MckMama's Not Me! Monday post this week, and was amazingly rewarded with the adorable (adorable!!) little purse in this post. I also won a $100 gift certificate from PURSEnally Yours to choose a purse of my own design.

And let me tell you, if there's anyone that could use a purse, it's me. I have a hard enough time keeping track of myself and the munchkin, let alone all our other stuff (my school bags, his diaper bag, my gym bag, etc). With all I have to carry around, I end up juggling all the important stuff (license, check card, library card, school ID, cash, and so on) between bags and inevitably end up forgetting something somewhere. Like today for instance, when I ran back out to the car after class to grab my wallet so I could get some breakfast/lunch (brunch? on a Thursday??) before starting on my BHP. Wallet? It was in the car. Check card? Nowhere to be found. Cash? In my backpack...except I used my laptop bag today for school. Grrrrrr.

So a purse is just what I need to keep all the stuff in one place. So why haven't I just broken down and bought a purse you ask? Well the short answer is I hate (loathe!) spending money on myself. Can't do it! Don't really like it when other people do it either. So I'm purse-less.

Now the tough part. I've been looking at the PURSEnally Yours website trying to decide (another thing I'm not the greatest at--decisions) what to get. Should I get a nice big messenger bag? Or a big Olivia purse? Or go with a cute small Olivia purse, then get a make-up bag and wallet to match? Or not match...the next part is figuring out what fabric to choose.

So many choices, so little time to procrastinate.

So if I have any readers out there (Hellooo? Anyone?) feel free to leave your input. What have you found works best for you? Big bag to just throw everything in? Or smaller bag so it doesn't get as cluttered, with a wallet or what-not to move from bag to bag? I'm not the most organized person to begin with, so keep that in mind. 

Or should I just hire a personal assistant to keep track of and carry all my stuff around for me? Ha! Maybe I could train a monkey to do that. Now that would be fun :)

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week has been so very productive for me!

Since I'm in the middle of a semester, I definitely didn't spend my MEA week off doing absolutely nothing school related. That would be irresponsible and just not very smart. I used every spare moment I had to work on my BHP (big huge paper) that's due in less than a week. You know, the 20 page paper that I obviously have a solid start on, or I most certainly wouldn't be blogging, hoping to not win a gift certificate and purse from a MckGiveway...

Since I was so busy doing schoolwork this past week, I definitely didn't spend the bulk of my days on the floor playing with the munchkin (again, instead of doing much needed studying). Since he's been battling a cold and it's a struggle to get him to rest, I definitely didn't put a couple videos in the DVD player on successive days to try to get him to sit still for more than three minutes. I know that long stretches of TV aren't good for little ones, so there's no way I would encourage my son to watch Finding Nemo with me (or Monsters Vs. Aliens, or Elmo in Grouchland). Never.

The munchkin had a horrible night Saturday night, and was awake more times than I can count (including an hour and a half long stretch where I tried--unsuccessfully--to convince him that it was still night time). When I heard him waking up Sunday morning after finally getting a few solid hours of sleep, I rushed right upstairs to get him up for breakfast. I mean, come on, I would never leave him babbling and singing in his crib after he's very obviously awake just because I was exhausted still sleepy. I didn't leave him in his crib for an extra 45 minutes, at which time he didn't start getting fussy and start demanding to get out of bed. He didn't do that because I would never leave my son in bed just so I could get a little more rest.

I'm always such an organized person, and I SO have everything together. That's why I didn't have to spend 20 minutes (and two trips back home) trying to track down my Dakota County Library card so I could attempt to check out some museum passes. Which ended up not even being available, so it definitely was not a wasted trip. Bah. I also did not forget twice, today alone, to return two items to the library at school (or re-check them out). Like I said, I have it all together, know where all my belongings are (including my license...), and am so on top of deadlines.

Oh, and I did not drive around extensively this past week with my wallet in the glovebox sans driver's license. Nope, I would never do that. Remember? I know where all my belongings are at all times, and would never drive around without proof of a license. Not me!

Since I know where all my belongings are (because they're obviously all together in a heap on my bedroom floor or nightstand or kitchen counter my purse), I definitely couldn't use the purse MckMama has as a giveaway prize on her other blog. I mean I could. But not really, since it's a Not Me! Monday....except I really, really could :) Oh well, you know what I mean. And if you don't, go check out some of the other great Not Me! experiences shared by one or two hundreds of MckMama's other readers.

Oh, and on a final note, I would never publish a photo that Martin sent me during class today of our sick munchkin. Poor baby. This picture made me want to get up and leave in the middle of class:

Thousands of Words

I'm drawing a blank on anything to write, so I thought I would post some pictures of the munchkin. That's all I've got right now....

So I thought I'd go with some of the daily events in the life of a munchkin. Start with checking out the neighborhood:

Spend a little quality time with the flock:

Chill out and watch a movie with mama and daddy:

Share a bedtime snack with daddy:

This one is just cute (I think):

That's all I have for now. I'm trying to stick to a more normal bedtime, and I have a feeling tomorrow will be a long day, so I'm going to turn in. Nighty night!