Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

First off I should probably start by saying this is not going to be an unusually short post since I most certainly didn't procrastinate my days away last week instead of working on my Big Huge Paper that wasn't due this morning at 9 o'clock. Which also means that there was no way on the face of God's white brown green earth that I stayed up all night long to finish it. All. Night. Long. Nope! Not me! I finished it last week like a good little student. I did that, which means that I haven't been up for......oh, going on 28 hours now.

28 hours.

I also didn't fall asleep sitting straight up during lecture this morning.

As for my other shining moments this past week? Let's see. I didn't add to my procrastination on Saturday by taking advantage of the offer of some munchkin watching to go to a movie with Martin. Again, I wouldn't do that, I had a 20 (make that 25) page paper due this morning. It would be crazy to have fun on the weekend. And then go get coffee. Moosed cuz I was just that wide awake. And then proceed to take a two hour nap upon arriving home.

I also did not have two more cups of coffee from the reindeer place yesterday because they goofed on the first one, made me the second, and gave me both. Moosed. I didn't drink them both (larges) in a matter of 6 hours or so. That would be crazy and probably get me singing strange songs, and giggling at strange words (like delerious. seriously. it's funny--say it. go ahead, you know you want to...deleeeeerious. No I am NOT!).

Oh, and before the coffee incident, we didn't go to Perkins for brunch because we were both just lazy and wanting professionally made breakfast food. While waiting for said food, we most certainly did not open a sugar packet and teach encourage let the munchkin dip his finger into the packet and lick the sugary stickiness off that adorably chubby little finger. I mean ugly skinny finger? I mean.....

Alrighty, that must mean it's not time for me to pack it up and head on home so I can stay awake for the rest of the day doing prep work for sim lab tomorrow.

Deleeeeeerious...

Domestic Goddess...

...I am not!! Not even close. Sure, I can keep up with the laundry (usually), and I spend time when I can planning meals, experimenting cooking, and cleaning (ok, not as much as I should). But sometimes I wish I had the time to really throw myself into the whole SAHM thing. Maybe it's a stereotype that I shouldn't box myself into, but I would love to spend my days playing with and teaching the munchkin, keeping up on domestic chores, running errands, sewing (I own a sewing machine that has never been used!) and making yummy, delicious meals and treats. I guess if all I did (all I did, as if everything that a SAHM does is so easy and irrelevant--definitely not how I meant it) was stay home with Kaleb I could more easily throw myself into the Donna Reed-ish role I have in my head.

But I'm not a run of the mill SAHM. I'm also a full time student. I started nursing school when my son was six weeks old. I was still exhausted with a baby that was waking up to eat every four hours. He hadn't yet gotten to the point of having long stretches of alert time yet. Everyone in my class thought I was crazy (I probably was a little bit, between sleep deprivation, trying to find time and places to pump at school, and post-partum depression) but I was determined to make it work.

I honestly don't know how I made it through that first semester. With the help of God and a wonderful support system I made it on to the second semester. Second semester pretty much flew by, and with the exception of all night clinical prep sessions I made it through with my sanity mostly intact.

Then came summer. Oh wonderful summer, how I miss thee! I had such big plans for the munchkin and I. Some expectations were met, others not so much, but I'd go back in a heartbeat. We joined a fabulous morning program at a local water park, made trips to Lifetime for water aerobics (well, I did, the munchkin played in the child care center), splashed in the kiddie pool, went for walks and took trips to the park. But I still felt exhausted from the stress of school and never really found a good balancing act between house work and play time with Kaleb. I felt like I had missed out on so much during school that I just wanted to focus on soaking as much munchkin time up as possible.

Before I knew it school was starting again, and suddenly I feel like I'm right back to that place I was in during first semester. In some ways it's easier with Kaleb being a year older, other ways it's so much harder. Once I walk in the door from school it's full-on mommy mode until bedtime. Then I usually end up working on school stuff until at least 1 o'clock in the morning, don't get enough sleep and end up exhausted in the morning. I shouldn't complain because I'm lucky to be in this program (there were 700+ applicants for 100 spots), and I'm doing what's best for my family. But I still feel a little sad.

Back when I started this blog (just a few months ago) Martin had just lost his job. We were scared and the future was uncertain. However, things couldn't have worked more in our favor, and I truly believe God's hand was in the whole situation. Having Martin home has been the best thing for our family. Kaleb gets to spend one on one time with his daddy, and they've never been closer. Martin is so much more relaxed than when he was in the bad situation at work, and both of us get to be with our son most of the day, every day. I should be so thankful for that.

I should be more thankful. But I'm a little ashamed to admit that I'm jealous. Jealous and sad. I want to be the one spending my whole day with Kaleb. I feel horrible even admitting that, because I'm sure there are families who would love to be able to have one parent home all day long, but can't. It shouldn't, but it hurts a little when Kaleb wants daddy, not mommy, to bring him into his room for a nap. Or when I do something the "wrong" way because Kaleb and daddy do it a different way that I'm not familiar with because I'm not home.

I hate that I sound so selfish. I need to snap out of it and just be thankful that I've been able to spend as much time with him as I have--much more than if I had to work full time. I guess I just needed to vent a little.

So as much as I would love to be able to claim domestic goddess status, part of me doesn't care that my house isn't always presentable spotless, my dinners aren't always slaved over (thank you McDonald's), our laundry is frequently in some stage of unwashed/washed but not dried/dried but not folded/folded but not put away, and my sewing machine has never been used. Because when my son is older it will be the pictures and stories of him that I pass down that are important, not how wonderful of a housekeeper I was.

You know, stories like how he tried to give the water a hug at the zero depth pool this summer, how he tried to steamroll a little boy at the library, how he walks all the way across the living room with his mouth wide open to give daddy a kiss before nap time, and how he tracked down his own fork so he could help himself to some of daddy's spaghetti at lunch today.

And when Kaleb is grown with a family of his own, I will remember how thankful I was to be around during the day for moments like these:

Woo Hooooo!!!

I've been trying to behave the last couple days to really put a dent in my BHP (big huge paper) that's due on Monday (5 pages down, 10 to go...). I have a post saved that I've been trying to find time to finish and publish, but that will have to wait another day or so.

So why the excitement? It certainly isn't over the paper I'm currently slaving over. Well not currently as in this moment, since I'm obviously typing this instead of the BHP, but I am in the school library taking a break from said BHP. The "woo hoo" is because something that almost never happens to me has, in fact, happened. I won!! I actually won something! I contributed to MckMama's Not Me! Monday post this week, and was amazingly rewarded with the adorable (adorable!!) little purse in this post. I also won a $100 gift certificate from PURSEnally Yours to choose a purse of my own design.

And let me tell you, if there's anyone that could use a purse, it's me. I have a hard enough time keeping track of myself and the munchkin, let alone all our other stuff (my school bags, his diaper bag, my gym bag, etc). With all I have to carry around, I end up juggling all the important stuff (license, check card, library card, school ID, cash, and so on) between bags and inevitably end up forgetting something somewhere. Like today for instance, when I ran back out to the car after class to grab my wallet so I could get some breakfast/lunch (brunch? on a Thursday??) before starting on my BHP. Wallet? It was in the car. Check card? Nowhere to be found. Cash? In my backpack...except I used my laptop bag today for school. Grrrrrr.

So a purse is just what I need to keep all the stuff in one place. So why haven't I just broken down and bought a purse you ask? Well the short answer is I hate (loathe!) spending money on myself. Can't do it! Don't really like it when other people do it either. So I'm purse-less.

Now the tough part. I've been looking at the PURSEnally Yours website trying to decide (another thing I'm not the greatest at--decisions) what to get. Should I get a nice big messenger bag? Or a big Olivia purse? Or go with a cute small Olivia purse, then get a make-up bag and wallet to match? Or not match...the next part is figuring out what fabric to choose.

So many choices, so little time to procrastinate.

So if I have any readers out there (Hellooo? Anyone?) feel free to leave your input. What have you found works best for you? Big bag to just throw everything in? Or smaller bag so it doesn't get as cluttered, with a wallet or what-not to move from bag to bag? I'm not the most organized person to begin with, so keep that in mind. 

Or should I just hire a personal assistant to keep track of and carry all my stuff around for me? Ha! Maybe I could train a monkey to do that. Now that would be fun :)

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week has been so very productive for me!

Since I'm in the middle of a semester, I definitely didn't spend my MEA week off doing absolutely nothing school related. That would be irresponsible and just not very smart. I used every spare moment I had to work on my BHP (big huge paper) that's due in less than a week. You know, the 20 page paper that I obviously have a solid start on, or I most certainly wouldn't be blogging, hoping to not win a gift certificate and purse from a MckGiveway...

Since I was so busy doing schoolwork this past week, I definitely didn't spend the bulk of my days on the floor playing with the munchkin (again, instead of doing much needed studying). Since he's been battling a cold and it's a struggle to get him to rest, I definitely didn't put a couple videos in the DVD player on successive days to try to get him to sit still for more than three minutes. I know that long stretches of TV aren't good for little ones, so there's no way I would encourage my son to watch Finding Nemo with me (or Monsters Vs. Aliens, or Elmo in Grouchland). Never.

The munchkin had a horrible night Saturday night, and was awake more times than I can count (including an hour and a half long stretch where I tried--unsuccessfully--to convince him that it was still night time). When I heard him waking up Sunday morning after finally getting a few solid hours of sleep, I rushed right upstairs to get him up for breakfast. I mean, come on, I would never leave him babbling and singing in his crib after he's very obviously awake just because I was exhausted still sleepy. I didn't leave him in his crib for an extra 45 minutes, at which time he didn't start getting fussy and start demanding to get out of bed. He didn't do that because I would never leave my son in bed just so I could get a little more rest.

I'm always such an organized person, and I SO have everything together. That's why I didn't have to spend 20 minutes (and two trips back home) trying to track down my Dakota County Library card so I could attempt to check out some museum passes. Which ended up not even being available, so it definitely was not a wasted trip. Bah. I also did not forget twice, today alone, to return two items to the library at school (or re-check them out). Like I said, I have it all together, know where all my belongings are (including my license...), and am so on top of deadlines.

Oh, and I did not drive around extensively this past week with my wallet in the glovebox sans driver's license. Nope, I would never do that. Remember? I know where all my belongings are at all times, and would never drive around without proof of a license. Not me!

Since I know where all my belongings are (because they're obviously all together in a heap on my bedroom floor or nightstand or kitchen counter my purse), I definitely couldn't use the purse MckMama has as a giveaway prize on her other blog. I mean I could. But not really, since it's a Not Me! Monday....except I really, really could :) Oh well, you know what I mean. And if you don't, go check out some of the other great Not Me! experiences shared by one or two hundreds of MckMama's other readers.

Oh, and on a final note, I would never publish a photo that Martin sent me during class today of our sick munchkin. Poor baby. This picture made me want to get up and leave in the middle of class:

Thousands of Words

I'm drawing a blank on anything to write, so I thought I would post some pictures of the munchkin. That's all I've got right now....

So I thought I'd go with some of the daily events in the life of a munchkin. Start with checking out the neighborhood:

Spend a little quality time with the flock:

Chill out and watch a movie with mama and daddy:

Share a bedtime snack with daddy:

This one is just cute (I think):

That's all I have for now. I'm trying to stick to a more normal bedtime, and I have a feeling tomorrow will be a long day, so I'm going to turn in. Nighty night!

Not Me! Monday

It's Monday again (for a few more hours anyway) and it's been a while since I've joined in on a Not Me! Monday as hosted by MckMama, so I thought I'd give it a go.

To start things off, I most certainly am NOT blogging instead of studying the cardiac content that will be on our next test in two weeks. I'm also definitely not using this blog (and MckMama's live chat) as a means for procrastinating on my 15-20 page paper that's also due in two weeks. That I have yet to start. NOT ME! That would be completely irresponsible.

Even though I awoke refreshed, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after my 4 or so hours of sleep last night, I most certainly did not roll out of bed at the last minute, throw on some clean clothes and run out the door to class just because the idea of sitting through a two hour lecture seemed easier than dealing with the crabbiest baby this side of the Rockies my teething munchkin. To top my morning off, I didn't toy with the idea of running back into the house and hiding under the covers when the garage door opened to a winter wonderland. IN OCTOBER!!!!   I also definitely remembered to slap some deodorant on before I ran out the door....

Since I'm such an efficient multi-tasker these days, there's no way we ended up eating McDonald's three times (three!!) in the last week because I was too tired and busy with school to figure something out for lunch/dinner. Along with my multi-tasking skills, my time-management and prioritizing skills the past week have been top-notch. As proof, there is most definitely not a pile of laundry on the bedroom floor, three baskets full in the closet, and a pile the size of a small country in the laundry room. They will most definitely be washed, dried, folded, and put away this evening. Oh, and all the dishes from dinner tonight have already been washed too. There's no way that you'd find any dirty pots or pans in the oven because I just didn't feel like cleaning up tonight. Go ahead, look, see for yourself.....Who put those in there?!?! It certainly was NOT ME!! Darn cats....

And now, for the rest of my evening, I will definitely be studying hard. There's no way on earth that I would even consider editing some recent pictures when I have sooooo much studying to do...

Holy Crabbiness Batman!!

Well, we were able to finally make it to church this morning. It's been a while since we've braved it. During the summer the child care area is not staffed as fully as during the winter, and we weren't able to get Kaleb in. If I go by myself I don't mind hanging with the munchkin in the lobby area (with a bunch of other little ones), but the chaos out there drives Martin nuts, so we really haven't been going much as a result. Everything worked out this morning, though, and we were able to get Kaleb into Hero's Gate (the children's ministry). He screamed like a banshee when I left him, but was fine when I picked him up.

We went for a little drive after church and tracked down the Extreme Home Makeover house they did on the West Side. It was just finished late this week, so the street was still pretty busy, but the house fit right into the neighborhood. Can't wait to see the episode when it airs. The Home Makeover team just finished a house in my old hometown this summer (it was featured on the season premiere), so it's kind of cool to see a finished house in person.

The extra driving around gave Kaleb just enough time to fall asleep for a quick cat nap (which, really, who named that? our cats sleep for days on end, but I digress...), but not long enough to not be crabby. We tried to lay him down for a nap after lunch, and he went down fine, but never fell asleep. He just laid in there talking to himself and "singing" along with his music box. Which led to an afternoon with the World's Crabbiest Baby. Ever. Ok, maybe not ever, I mean there are times he's been more crabby, but I can't recall them right now. He was just that crabby tonight.

How crabby was he??? Well, he was SO crabby that he would start giggling (at nothing)....WAIT a minute, you said he was crabby....Well, yes, inner monologue, he was crabby, and if you'll let me finish.....ok it must be really really late if I'm arguing with myself...in print. Anyway. He was so crabby that he would start giggling at something, or nothing, and a couple seconds later he'd be bawling. As in crying, as in well, I thought it was funny, but turns out it's pretty darn tragic, so I'm going to cry hysterically instead. And this was happening every 15 minutes or so. Sheesh!! We had planned to put him down early, but that didn't really work out. But at least he was in bed by his normal time (8) although he didn't get a bath or his teeth brushed. I know, I'll be expecting the mommy of the year award any day now. Did I mention we had McDonald's for dinner?? Tomorrow will have to be bath day instead (btw, am I the only one with a toddler who loves (LOVES!!) taking baths and brushing his teeth?)(and yes, I know I parenthesied inside a parentheses)(and i think I just made up a word). Anyway...

I was going to add some pictures to this post, but now it's time for ME to get to bed before I start giggling/crying hysterically about something...or nothing. I'll throw some pictures up tomorrow. Not as in I'm going to regurgitate pictures, more like I'm going to put some pictures up tomorrow. Or maybe not, since tomorrow's Monday, and I might just do a Not Me! Monday post a la MckMama. So we'll see. I'm unpredictable like that--it's just how I roll.

Holy cow am I tired!!

Oh all right, you twisted my arm, I'll throw in a picture. Here's the munchkin chilling on the couch watching a little Elmo's World. Again. I know, mommy of the year.

Doot da doo...

I've been wanting to write for a while, I've just been having a hard time coming up with anything to write about. Now that I'm finally finished with med-surg clinicals, I feel like I've lost all motivation and focus. That feeling seems to be spilling over into all areas of my life right now.

So. Focus. Let's pick a topic for tonight's blog, shall we? Alrighty then. I started writing this post, oh about an hour ago. Then I got distracted looking at pictures I had uploaded of the munchkin enjoying his new shoes, caught up on some email and online homework, and watched the Wild come from three goals down to win their home opener in sudden death overtime. So much for focus.

The only thing I can think about right now is the walk I took tonight. I've been trying to get back into shape and lose some of the weight I gained when school started last year. Martin and I were going to get up this morning and go to Lifetime to work out, but that just didn't happen. He encouraged me to take some time this afternoon to go and he would get dinner ready, but I just didn't have the motivation or energy. I wanted to work out, I just didn't want to drive to the gym. So Martin suggested I just take a walk. Nothing spectacular, right? Except it's been raining and near 40 degrees all day today. I know this might not make me exactly normal, but I've always loved taking walks in the rain.

So off I went, iPod in pocket, to enjoy some exercise in the chilly drizzle. I don't know if it's an actual phenomenon, or just my imagination, but taking a walk in the rain always leaves me feeling better mentally. Maybe it's because I appreciate symbolism, but tonight's walk was expecially good. I truly felt some of my emotional gunk being washed away by the rain and blown off with the wind. I was also able to use the time to pray (another bonus of a rainy day--fewer people giving me weird looks as I talk to myself--or God--as I walk). I've been really struggling lately with feeling like I'm not doing enough to maintain a relationship with God--something I feel is very important in my life. I've also been feeling very alone. I know that thought is my own, not the reality of the situation, but I feel like because of some of the decisions I've made in the past few years I have no right to seek God in my daily life--like I'm not worthy of his time. But tonight I had two songs on my iPod that I ended up playing over and over again that seem to help me start to get past some of those feelings: The Motions by Matthew West, and All I Can Say by David Crowder Band. If you've never heard these two songs, they are definitely worth a listen.

So I'm not sure if I really got the focus I was looking for tonight, but I do know that a walk in the rain can be spiritually cleansing, and that the Minnesota professional sports teams have been absolutely rocking it the past several days. So goodnight faithful readers  reader  person who stumbled upon my blog accidentally, sleep well.

Go Twins!!

Ok, so I'm not really a huge Twins fan, but I love that they're doing well--good for them. That's about all I have on that....

This will be quick, but I feel like I should update because it's been quite a while. Things have been super hectic (big shocker), but I'm done with my med-surg clinical rotation so the semester should go a little more smoothly from here out. I actually should be studying right now, considering I have a test Monday morning, but I just have no motivation. Today is my birthday, and I really thought it would be a normal, laid back Saturday. Not so much. We got up early to go to the St. Paul Farmer's Market. Before we left Martin, Anthony and Kaleb all had presents for me! It was so unexpected and appreciated. After the Farmer's Market and lunch I tried to get some studying done during nap time, but then Anthony brought me home an ice cream cake, so I had a piece of that and took a nap instead. Then tonight we met some friends at BW3s and had some laughs and watched Chicago help keep the Twins in a good spot, and the Wild lose their opener. Overall, it was a really great day!!

I know this is a boring post, but I just wanted to document my day (and add some pics, but I'll do that later) to remember later. I don't feel like I have great days very often, so it's definitely something to be remembered!!

It's still early-ish, but I'm heading to bed so I can get up and study early before my group meets tomorrow. I'm still mixing up early and late decelerations in fetal heart rates...shouldn't be that hard, must be more tired than I thought!!! Nighty-night :)

Oh, and because I love to share his cuteness, here's the munchkin's favorite place to be lately:

Every day, at least a few times a day, he pulls the pillow out of Lexi's cage and crawls on in and plays with his toys or reads a book, or juggles nuks in this case...he makes me smile :)