Mad skills

Parenting skills, that is.

There have been many times since learning that I was pregnant with Kaleb (and before that, even) that I wondered if I would be a good mother. I mean I love kids, and obviously love my son, and know that I wouldn't do anything to hurt him intentionally (or try to screw him up). But I feel like at some point most parents seem to default, in some way, back the the parenting style they were raised with.

That idea doesn't sit well with me. I was raised by an abusive mother. When my brother and I were little it was more physical abuse, and as we got older (after she was forced to leave our home under the threat of losing custody) it became more verbal and emotional. I grew up with lots of yelling--that seemed to be the norm in my house. Yelling and swearing.

Big things, little things, everything that my mom saw as wrong or irritating or whatever was met with yelling and put-downs and all the rest. Thankfully my mom was able to change (after some strong boundary setting on my part and hard work on hers) and we now have a good relationship. I've forgiven her and we've moved on. I completely trust when she and my dad take Kaleb for the weekend that he is in nothing but good, loving hands. I only bring this up to provide a little background.

So that's where I'm coming from. Martin comes from a home that was led by a single mom who worked 2-3 jobs at a time to support the family. Martin was largely raised by his two older siblings (six and seven years older than he), and then was pretty much on his own from junior high on. He didn't have a mother there to parent him all the time, and definitely made a lot of bad choices he might otherwise not have made.

I don't say this to put Martin's mom down--she did the best she could with what she had, and I admire how hard of a worker she is. She has said many times that she regrets many of the parenting decisions that she made at the time. But we all know you can't go back, so there is no choice but to move forward. I feel like Martin is a good father, but there are areas where I really don't agree with how he handles things. 

I somehow turned out ok, but I wonder how to be a good parent to Kaleb and teach him all the things I somehow learned in spite of the control tactics, yelling, screaming, etc. I want him to grow up knowing beyond a doubt that he is loved no matter what he does, but I also want him to grow up to be a strong, trustworthy, righteous man.

This is getting to be a little long, so I think I will leave the how I will go about doing that for another post. Stay tuned...